Rev'rently and meekly now, Let thy head most humbly bow.
Think of me, thou ransomed one; Think what I for thee have done.
With my blood that dripped like rain, Sweat in agony of pain,
With my body on the tree, I have ransomed even thee.
With humble heart, I bow my head
And think of thee, O Savior, Lord.
I take the water and the bread
To show remembrance of thy word.
In this bread now blest for thee, Emblem of my body see;
In this water or this wine, Emblem of my blood divine.
Oh, remember what was done That the sinner might be won.
On the cross of Calvary I have suffered death for thee.
Help me remember, I implore,
Thou gav'st thy life on Calvary,
That I might live forevermore
And grow, dear Lord, to be like thee.
To be like thee! I lift my eyes
From earth below toward heav'n above,
That I may learn from vaulted skies
How I my worthiness can prove.
Bid thine heart all strife to cease; With thy brethren be at peace.
Oh, forgive as thou wouldst be E'en forgiven now by me.
In the solemn faith of prayer Cast upon me all thy care,
And my Spirit's grace shall be Like a fountain unto thee.
As I walk daily here on earth,
Give me thy Spirit as I seek
A change of heart, another birth,
And grow, dear Lord, to be like thee.
At the throne I intercede; For thee ever do I plead.
I have loved thee as thy friend, With a love that cannot end.
Be obedient, I implore, Prayerful, watchful, evermore,
And be constant unto me, That thy Savior I may be.
"With Humble Heart," Hymns, No. 171
"Reverently and Meekly Now," Hymns, No. 185
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Saturday, March 28, 2015
What I learned from being offended
Last week I taught Gospel Doctrine. As part of the discussion, I shared briefly how a couple of years ago I was deeply offended - so much so that I didn't want to go back to church. I didn't share the details with the class, just that I am grateful that my roots are deep and that I didn't allow that experience to pull me away from the Gospel.
Over the last week I've been reflecting a lot on the experience itself... particularly what I learned from it. I've been reminded that there are powerful lessons to be learned in difficult times, and often, we don't really learn all that we could until we look back on it later.
For example, I learned not to judge those who leave the Church because they are offended. The kind of offense that would cause someone to choose to leave is a BIG deal. We should never assume that they must not have a testimony, or that their testimony must be shallow. And we should certainly never get that self-righteous attitude of, "I would never quit going to church just because someone hurt my feelings."
Because really, I think my Gospel roots are pretty deep. I feel like my testimony is pretty darn firm. I can't think of anything that would shake my testimony of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, or of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Lord's church on the earth today.
But now I know that there are things that would seriously challenge my Sunday attendance. And one of those is having to smile and pretend that nothing is wrong, when members of my ward (even leaders of organizations in my ward) are openly hostile to me and my family; when they berate me behind my back to other members of the ward; when they call me a hypocrite on facebook and claim that I must not be a true follower of Christ.
Yeah, things like that make me not want to go to church.
But here's what else I learned: If I don't do what I know is right, then he wins. I don't mean the person on the other side of my experience. I mean the devil. Satan wins when I succumb to the desire to leave. He is the one who is really motivating that spirit of contention, and he is the one who really doesn't want me to go back to church. He doesn't want me taking my kids there, teaching Gospel Doctrine there, serving and helping and participating. He wants me to sit and stew at home about how horrible that other person is and how, "I'll show him," as if that other person cares a bit how I react to his vitriol.
I also learned that I have to forgive, and that I can forgive, even I never receive an apology. I don't have to "say my piece," (which I very much wanted to do.) Sometimes it's best to realize that the person who offended us didn't care then, and won't care now. I need to give the burden of my hurt feelings and my anger to my Savior, who will gladly carry it for me and give me the peace I need to move forward.
But moving forward doesn't necessarily mean that everything goes back to the way it was - that would be moving back. I can respect and support others in their callings without having any desire to be their friend. I can be kind and generous and loving to others without liking them.
In the end, it doesn't matter what they say or think about me. What matters is the truth. I know the truth, and my Heavenly Father knows the truth. People who know me and care about me will see the truth for what it is, or at least love me enough to seek out my side of the story before they pass judgment.
I recently read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks (Judge Not and Judging), which I love. He quoted the essayist William George Jordan in saying this:
"There is but one quality necessary for the perfect understanding of character, one quality that, if man have it, he may dare to judge — that is, omniscience. Most people study character as a proofreader pores over a great poem: his ears are dulled to the majesty and music of the lines, his eyes are darkened to the magic imagination of the genius of the author; that proofreader is busy watching for an inverted comma, a misspacing, or a wrong font letter. He has an eye trained for the imperfections, the weaknesses. …
“We do not need to judge nearly so much as we think we do. This is the age of snap judgments. … [We need] the courage to say, ‘I don’t know. I am waiting further evidence. I must hear both sides of the question.’ It is this suspended judgment that is the supreme form of charity” (“The Supreme Charity of the World,” The Kingship of Self-Control [n.d.], 27–30; emphasis in original).
Don't you love that?
The final thing I learned is this: There are very few people on earth whose opinions of me I care about... and almost all of them are related to me. Most of them live in my home.
Over the last week I've been reflecting a lot on the experience itself... particularly what I learned from it. I've been reminded that there are powerful lessons to be learned in difficult times, and often, we don't really learn all that we could until we look back on it later.
For example, I learned not to judge those who leave the Church because they are offended. The kind of offense that would cause someone to choose to leave is a BIG deal. We should never assume that they must not have a testimony, or that their testimony must be shallow. And we should certainly never get that self-righteous attitude of, "I would never quit going to church just because someone hurt my feelings."
Because really, I think my Gospel roots are pretty deep. I feel like my testimony is pretty darn firm. I can't think of anything that would shake my testimony of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, or of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Lord's church on the earth today.
But now I know that there are things that would seriously challenge my Sunday attendance. And one of those is having to smile and pretend that nothing is wrong, when members of my ward (even leaders of organizations in my ward) are openly hostile to me and my family; when they berate me behind my back to other members of the ward; when they call me a hypocrite on facebook and claim that I must not be a true follower of Christ.
Yeah, things like that make me not want to go to church.
But here's what else I learned: If I don't do what I know is right, then he wins. I don't mean the person on the other side of my experience. I mean the devil. Satan wins when I succumb to the desire to leave. He is the one who is really motivating that spirit of contention, and he is the one who really doesn't want me to go back to church. He doesn't want me taking my kids there, teaching Gospel Doctrine there, serving and helping and participating. He wants me to sit and stew at home about how horrible that other person is and how, "I'll show him," as if that other person cares a bit how I react to his vitriol.
I also learned that I have to forgive, and that I can forgive, even I never receive an apology. I don't have to "say my piece," (which I very much wanted to do.) Sometimes it's best to realize that the person who offended us didn't care then, and won't care now. I need to give the burden of my hurt feelings and my anger to my Savior, who will gladly carry it for me and give me the peace I need to move forward.
But moving forward doesn't necessarily mean that everything goes back to the way it was - that would be moving back. I can respect and support others in their callings without having any desire to be their friend. I can be kind and generous and loving to others without liking them.
In the end, it doesn't matter what they say or think about me. What matters is the truth. I know the truth, and my Heavenly Father knows the truth. People who know me and care about me will see the truth for what it is, or at least love me enough to seek out my side of the story before they pass judgment.
I recently read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks (Judge Not and Judging), which I love. He quoted the essayist William George Jordan in saying this:
"There is but one quality necessary for the perfect understanding of character, one quality that, if man have it, he may dare to judge — that is, omniscience. Most people study character as a proofreader pores over a great poem: his ears are dulled to the majesty and music of the lines, his eyes are darkened to the magic imagination of the genius of the author; that proofreader is busy watching for an inverted comma, a misspacing, or a wrong font letter. He has an eye trained for the imperfections, the weaknesses. …
“We do not need to judge nearly so much as we think we do. This is the age of snap judgments. … [We need] the courage to say, ‘I don’t know. I am waiting further evidence. I must hear both sides of the question.’ It is this suspended judgment that is the supreme form of charity” (“The Supreme Charity of the World,” The Kingship of Self-Control [n.d.], 27–30; emphasis in original).
Don't you love that?
The final thing I learned is this: There are very few people on earth whose opinions of me I care about... and almost all of them are related to me. Most of them live in my home.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Back to School
So I have big news. It's big to me anyway... but it's still early, and I don't want to tell everyone. But I'm really excited about it. I figure posting it on my blog is safe, since no one reads it anymore, haha.
I'm going back to school! I have begun the process to apply for the Master of Professional Communication program at Weber State University. If all goes well, I will begin this summer, and finish in about two years.
Lauren is five now. She will be starting kindergarten next year, and it has been on my mind what I will do at that point. I love being home with the kids, but with all of them in school, I know I will be bored. I can only clean the house and do the laundry so many times. I plan to spend more time in the temple and in other pursuits, but I have always wanted to go back to school, and the timing is ideal.
I had been contemplating this for a while, considering several options. I had been praying to know the direction I should take. As these things were in my mind, I received a postcard in the mail inviting me to an information session about the master's program. It felt like an answer to my prayer.
As I researched the program, I was nervous to apply. The program's website says that the ideal candidate will show professional accomplishments. Since I haven't really worked in the field since before Michael was born, I was concerned. But Jeff encouraged me to attend the information session anyway. I did, and I am so glad.
Walking into that building on campus, it was like coming home. The building was actually constructed after I graduated in 2002, but it still felt so comfortable - like I was meant to be there. Almost the first thing that Dr. Edwards addressed was that a small percentage of cohorts are people who have been out of the workforce for a long time but are looking to return. I felt like she addressed my concerns completely and immediately.
So I knew - this is a good path for me to follow. I registered to take the GRE and contacted Gerry from the Church News and one of my former professors to ask them to recommend me for the program. I haven't heard back from Dr. Scott yet, but Gerry said she would be happy to. I still need one more reference. I am deciding whether I should ask Brandon from the hotel, or contact another of my former professors, Rick Sline.
It seems that things are falling into place. We'll need to figure out how to pay for it, of course, but the cost isn't actually as prohibitive as I expected.
My eventual goal is to work as an adjunct professor teaching communications classes. I think that would give me the flexibility I want to be home with my kids, but still offer me the opportunity to challenge myself mentally.
I read through my patriarchal blessing the other day. It promises me that through hard work and study I will become very good at teaching. I always thought that applied just to teaching the gospel, but it struck me differently this time.
I'm excited to begin this new adventure.
I'm going back to school! I have begun the process to apply for the Master of Professional Communication program at Weber State University. If all goes well, I will begin this summer, and finish in about two years.
Lauren is five now. She will be starting kindergarten next year, and it has been on my mind what I will do at that point. I love being home with the kids, but with all of them in school, I know I will be bored. I can only clean the house and do the laundry so many times. I plan to spend more time in the temple and in other pursuits, but I have always wanted to go back to school, and the timing is ideal.
I had been contemplating this for a while, considering several options. I had been praying to know the direction I should take. As these things were in my mind, I received a postcard in the mail inviting me to an information session about the master's program. It felt like an answer to my prayer.
As I researched the program, I was nervous to apply. The program's website says that the ideal candidate will show professional accomplishments. Since I haven't really worked in the field since before Michael was born, I was concerned. But Jeff encouraged me to attend the information session anyway. I did, and I am so glad.
Walking into that building on campus, it was like coming home. The building was actually constructed after I graduated in 2002, but it still felt so comfortable - like I was meant to be there. Almost the first thing that Dr. Edwards addressed was that a small percentage of cohorts are people who have been out of the workforce for a long time but are looking to return. I felt like she addressed my concerns completely and immediately.
So I knew - this is a good path for me to follow. I registered to take the GRE and contacted Gerry from the Church News and one of my former professors to ask them to recommend me for the program. I haven't heard back from Dr. Scott yet, but Gerry said she would be happy to. I still need one more reference. I am deciding whether I should ask Brandon from the hotel, or contact another of my former professors, Rick Sline.
It seems that things are falling into place. We'll need to figure out how to pay for it, of course, but the cost isn't actually as prohibitive as I expected.
My eventual goal is to work as an adjunct professor teaching communications classes. I think that would give me the flexibility I want to be home with my kids, but still offer me the opportunity to challenge myself mentally.
I read through my patriarchal blessing the other day. It promises me that through hard work and study I will become very good at teaching. I always thought that applied just to teaching the gospel, but it struck me differently this time.
I'm excited to begin this new adventure.
Lauren's birthday post
Lauren turned five back in December. She had her first birthday party. Back in October, she told me that she wanted a Halloween party for her birthday. So when the stores clearanced out their Halloween stuff, we stocked up. The kids came in costumes, and we colored pictures and played pin the nose on the jack-o-lantern. We had a pinata (a must for every party, she informed me), and of course, cake and ice cream. Well, Lauren chose rainbow sherbet instead of ice cream. Here is a photo of her cake:
Questions about: Lauren Ann Sabin
Questions about: Lauren Ann Sabin
Date: January 11, 2015 (yeah, about a month late)
Age:5
Nicknames: Lozone, Lo-R-E-O, Lolo, Lologirl, Tweeps
(All
questions strictly according to their verbal answers)
What is your
favorite color? Blue (this changes pretty much weekly, based on what color they are learning about in pre-school)
What is your
favorite toy? My Anna and Elsa Barbies
What is your
favorite fruit? Bananas
What is your
favorite TV show? He-Man
What is your
favorite thing to eat for lunch? Pizza
What is your
favorite outfit? My Elsa shirt
What is your
favorite game? Bingo
What is your
favorite snack? Ham and turkey
What is your
favorite animal? A butterfly
What is your
favorite song? Let It Go
What is your
favorite book? Big Snowman, Little Snowman
Who is your
best friend? Mayci (Julander)
What is your
favorite cereal? Coco-Puffs with Marshmallows
What is your
favorite thing to do outside? In winter I like to eat snow
What is your
favorite drink? Apple beer
What is your
favorite holiday? Christmas, because that's when we get all the presents from Santa
What do you
like to take to bed with you at night? Pluto (a stuffed Disney Pluto dog)
What is your
favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Pizza
What do you
want for dinner on your birthday? Pizza
What do you
want to be when you grow up? A ballerina
What do you
want most for your birthday? Anna and Elsa dolls, and paper and pencils
What is your
favorite candy? Rips
What is your
favorite sport? I don't have a favorite sport
What makes
you sad? When somebody takes something away that I'm playing with
What makes
you happy? When I get to play with my daddy
What is your
favorite movie? FrozenOther things about Lauren - this girl can talk! She is my little shadow and loves to hang out with me. We get to spend a lot of time together since Michael and Faith are both in school all day. She is also turning into a Daddy's girl, which is so nice for me to see. Lauren is really independent. Even though she likes to be with someone, she is fine making up her own games and playing on her own. She is so much fun to be with. She has the best sense of humor. For example, one day she was being silly, and I asked her, "Lauren, how did you get to be so goofy?" She didn't miss a beat when she replied, "Because I practice my goofing every day!" Haha. So true. She does practice her goofing every day.
We love you Lolo!
Monday, October 20, 2014
I apologize if this image makes anyone feel uncomfortable, but today marks eight years that my Tori was "born sleeping." I still think of her and miss her every day. I am so grateful for the help and support we received from family and friends during that time, and for those who remember her and acknowledge her still. We went to the cemetery to visit her grave today, and I got out my box of her things to show to the kids. It was neat to talk about her with them and to show them the molds of her hands and feet, her ultrasound photos, and other mementos. I am grateful for my faith, which gives me the assurance that our trials and hard times serve a greater purpose, and that one day I'll have her with me again.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
The prompting
I so often think that I want to write something down so I will remember it... but then a couple of days go by and I keep putting if off, until I forget that it ever happened. That makes me sad, because I feel like writing it down helps me to solidify and internalize what I learn. I wonder how much better I could be as a person if I wrote down, and therefore internalized, the promptings and impressions I have during lessons at Church, or during conversations with friends, or during ordinary moments in my ordinary life.
I had one such experience this past week. I'm not blogging about this so that anyone says, "Oh, you're so wonderful for helping." I'm writing it because I want to remember that I have been an answer to someone else's prayer. We can ALL be the answer to another person's prayer. So many times, we are the means through which the Lord cares for His children.
Over the past week or so I had been thinking frequently about a new sister in my ward. She and her husband have three young children (2, 3, and 4), and their fourth is due in about a week. Her husband is in the National Guard, and he was supposed to be out of town for the last week. I kept thinking I should probably give her a call and see how she's doing, but I just kept putting it off for one reason or another. On Friday, I couldn't get her out of my head. So I texted her. I told her I had been thinking about her, and I knew her husband was out of town. I told her that Jeff had gone out of town the week before I was due with Faith, and I knew how stressful that was. I offered my help in whatever she needed.
She responded and said she was "super stressed out," and asked me if I would take even one of her kids for a few hours. I said of course, I'd take any and all.
So that's how I ended up with three extra kids for the afternoon. When I went to pick them up, she told me that her husband's travel schedule had been changed, and he had actually just left that morning for 12 days. Before he left, she asked him to give her a blessing. He promised her that she would have help in the time that he was gone. That was comforting to her, because she was overwhelmed by her circumstances and wasn't sure how things would go.
Her dad had been planning to come help her that day. But that fell through. Her mom couldn't come because she was grading papers for school. Her visiting teacher came by, looked around and commented that it looked like she could probably use some help, then left. (WHAT!?!?!) Her sister was not available. She said that she was literally in tears when she received my text. Me taking her kids for a few hours allowed her the time to clean her house, which helped her feel in control of her surroundings and better able to cope with the demands of motherhood. (I can SO relate to this.)
I am so grateful that I took the time to follow a prompting. She is a neat person, and is becoming a good friend. I am also grateful for the opportunity to serve. As I find and act on those opportunities, I feel a greater desire to be more available, to be more observant, to be more conscientious of the needs of those around me so that I can be a means through which the Lord can bless their life.
Isn't the Gospel wonderful? I find it so satisfying that we have the great blessing to serve each other and serve our God in this way.
I had one such experience this past week. I'm not blogging about this so that anyone says, "Oh, you're so wonderful for helping." I'm writing it because I want to remember that I have been an answer to someone else's prayer. We can ALL be the answer to another person's prayer. So many times, we are the means through which the Lord cares for His children.
Over the past week or so I had been thinking frequently about a new sister in my ward. She and her husband have three young children (2, 3, and 4), and their fourth is due in about a week. Her husband is in the National Guard, and he was supposed to be out of town for the last week. I kept thinking I should probably give her a call and see how she's doing, but I just kept putting it off for one reason or another. On Friday, I couldn't get her out of my head. So I texted her. I told her I had been thinking about her, and I knew her husband was out of town. I told her that Jeff had gone out of town the week before I was due with Faith, and I knew how stressful that was. I offered my help in whatever she needed.
She responded and said she was "super stressed out," and asked me if I would take even one of her kids for a few hours. I said of course, I'd take any and all.
So that's how I ended up with three extra kids for the afternoon. When I went to pick them up, she told me that her husband's travel schedule had been changed, and he had actually just left that morning for 12 days. Before he left, she asked him to give her a blessing. He promised her that she would have help in the time that he was gone. That was comforting to her, because she was overwhelmed by her circumstances and wasn't sure how things would go.
Her dad had been planning to come help her that day. But that fell through. Her mom couldn't come because she was grading papers for school. Her visiting teacher came by, looked around and commented that it looked like she could probably use some help, then left. (WHAT!?!?!) Her sister was not available. She said that she was literally in tears when she received my text. Me taking her kids for a few hours allowed her the time to clean her house, which helped her feel in control of her surroundings and better able to cope with the demands of motherhood. (I can SO relate to this.)
I am so grateful that I took the time to follow a prompting. She is a neat person, and is becoming a good friend. I am also grateful for the opportunity to serve. As I find and act on those opportunities, I feel a greater desire to be more available, to be more observant, to be more conscientious of the needs of those around me so that I can be a means through which the Lord can bless their life.
Isn't the Gospel wonderful? I find it so satisfying that we have the great blessing to serve each other and serve our God in this way.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Faith's sixth birthday
Oh. My. Goodness. I cannot believe Faith is 6 years old. She is seriously one of the most delightful people I know.
She got a lot of fun presents. Grandpa and Grandma Sabin gave her a little Lalaloopsy doll. Kari and Rich gave her some paints and canvases, and we gave her a rubber band loom and a set of My Little Ponies.
Her birthday was actually on February 10, so I'm kind of late getting this update in. My friend Rachel has a tradition she does where on each of her kids' birthdays, she asks them the same set of questions. The idea is to see how they change over the years. I stole her questionnaire and thought it would be fun to do it too:
Questions
about: Faith Sabin
Date: March
2, 2014 (yeah, a couple weeks late)
Age: 6
Nicknames:
Doopster, Faythie, Doopsie Daisy
(All
questions strictly according to their verbal answers)
What is your
favorite color? Pink
What is your
favorite toy? Littlest Pet Shops
What is your
favorite fruit? Orange
What is your
favorite TV show? He-Man (Yeah, we're on a Netflix kick lately.)
What is your
favorite thing to eat for lunch? Macaroni and cheese
What is your
favorite outfit? My nightgown
What is your
favorite game? Superhero Pet House (a game that Michael made up)
What is your
favorite snack? Applesauce
What is your
favorite animal? Flamingo
What is your
favorite song? He Sent His Son
What is your
favorite book? Pinkalicious
Who is your
best friend? Ben (Cash)
What is your
favorite cereal? Marshmallow Mateys and Coco-Puffs with Marshmallows in it
What is your
favorite thing to do outside? Play games
What is your
favorite drink? Soda
What is your
favorite holiday? Easter
What do you
like to take to bed with you at night? A stuffed animal
What is your
favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cereal
What do you
want for dinner on your birthday? Pizza
What do you
want to be when you grow up? Illustrator
What do you
want most for your birthday? Toy sewing machine
What is your
favorite candy? Candy canes
What is your
favorite sport? Soccer
What makes
you sad? When somebody bees mean to me
What makes
you happy? Getting gifts
What is your
favorite movie? Frozen
Her birthday was on a Monday this year. The night before, we had the Sabin family over for cake and ice cream. Here she is with her "water slide" cake.
She got a lot of fun presents. Grandpa and Grandma Sabin gave her a little Lalaloopsy doll. Kari and Rich gave her some paints and canvases, and we gave her a rubber band loom and a set of My Little Ponies.
On her birthday, she woke up and informed me as she kicked off her covers that her legs were now longer because she was six. Haha.
My mom came up with my Aunt Judie and they took her to brunch at Denny's. Grandma and brought her a sticker and coloring book shaped like a purse, along with a pack of erasable crayons, and Aunt Judie brought her a necklace with a penguin pendant.
She chose to go to Chick-Fil-A for dinner. She told me a couple of days later that it was really fun to be 6 years old.
Just a couple more shots of the 6-year-old. This is her doing her "Am I cute?" pose. (Yes, that's what she calls it.)
And this is her on her 100th day of school. She thought those glasses were the bomb.
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