New Rules

Jeff and I were talking a couple weeks ago and I made some joke about my hair always being in a ponytail. He shrugged and said, "You just look like a mom."

Hmm. Not what this mom wants to hear.

In Jeff's defense, he wasn't being rude. He tells me often that I'm pretty, and he says he likes my hair in a ponytail. I believe him. But I still don't want to "look like a mom."

So this mom has made some new rules.
1. No more ponytails unless I'm going to the gym.
2. I will wear some piece of jewelry or other accessory every day.
3. I will wear at least mascara every day.
4. I will wear make-up on Sundays.
5. I won't wear sneakers unless I'm doing something sneaker-worthy.

I gave myself a mini-makeover with a new haircut and some new clothes and shoes. It's been about a week, and so far I'm liking these new rules. I feel like (gasp) more than a mom. And really, I think my kids are worth looking nice for. Most days.

Here's a somewhat scary sneak peak. I'm not a great self-photographer.

Halloween decor

We finally got around to carving our pumpkins tonight for Family Home Evening.From left to right is Faith's, Michael's, mine, and Jeff's. Lauren doesn't have one. She was too involved in eating apples and strawberries to be bothered. Jeff worked really hard on that Elmo, and I think it turned out great. My ghost was super easy. Of course, after doing Faith and Michael's (they weren't much help), I was pretty much done, so the ghost was perfect.

Here are some luminaries we made at some family activities.
We have them on the piano, where they spookily light up the statue of Christ. Kind of bizarre, but hey, keeping them out of the reach of a particular 2-year-old limits my choice of placement.

self-promotion

As part of my long-term goal to run a successful home business, I have decided it's time to ramp up my cake decorating portfolio. So I am shamelessly asking any of you who need cakes for anything in the next couple/few months to consider me. Check out my other site to see some examples.

http://heartfeltcakesbycami.blogspot.com/

Seriously, cakes for anything. Birthdays, weddings, work parties, holidays, whatever. From now until the end of November, I'll apply a 25% discount to any cake scheduled. If your event isn't until January, you can schedule it by the end of November and still get the discount.

And even better, the first two cakes that are scheduled will get an even bigger discount - 50%.

Refer your friends and family! I'd appreciate it!!

what we're up to

Making cupcakes for Jeff's co-workers.
Putting vinyl sayings on the walls.
Playing dress-up.
Wait just a minute, let's pan out a little bit.Oh dear. Our little cross-dresser. I'm thinking blackmail photos. Check out the shoes.Today was the Primary program. Our little cross-dresser (not during church, fortunately) did a very good job with his part. He had it memorized, but I think he froze a little bit, because he had the Primary president help him read it. But it's still a million times better than his emotional breakdown last year.

Lauren now has her two bottom teeth and one top tooth. A second one on top has almost broken through. She is starting to eat a lot of chew foods, which I am so relieved about. I can't tell you how much stress I have over my kids' eating, and once they start eating "real foods" it is like a huge load is lifted from my shoulders. She also does a funny little trick where she gets up on both hands and both feet, but she keeps her feet together. So she looks like she's doing a push-up. But since her feet are together, she just pivots down and falls over. It's funny to watch. She has also started to crawl, although she prefers to army crawl because it's faster. She still has only a little bit of hair, but she has a GREAT smile. And her laugh is totally infectious.

four years

Today would be Tori's fourth birthday. For Family Home Evening on Monday, we drew pictures for her and then bought some flowers and visited her grave. Michael drew a picture of her surrounded by lizard stickers (hey, we're using what we have on hand). He kept asking questions about how she could see the pictures if she was in Heaven, because Heaven is way up in the sky. And about what she would look like when she "comes back to Earth," and when that will happen. We've had some talks about death when Jeff's grandparents died, but this is harder. He wants to know why Tori died, and when he will die. I try to explain as thoroughly as I think a 5-year-old would understand, but it's hard sometimes.

I'm grateful to know where she is and what will happen. I'm grateful that I can answer Michael's questions. It would be so much worse to really have no idea.

I still sometimes ask myself why she couldn't stay with us. Recently I've decided it's because God knew that I would stop at three kids, and so if she stayed, I would never have had Lauren. (This conclusion is greatly influenced by my feelings of inadequacy at motherhood these days - so I don't know how much truth there is to that. But I do know that three is just about all I can handle, at least for now.)

As the scriptures say, "This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God." And this life is also the time for my family to prepare to meet Tori. Maybe by the time we have her again, I'll have this motherhood thing figured out, and I'll be better prepared to raise her.

We love you, Tori!

today

I've had mommy issues lately. In fact, I've been telling people that I'm pretty sure I wasn't meant to be a mom at all. And I'm almost positive that I wasn't meant to be a mom to boys. My poor kids. I don't think I'd want me for a mom.

But I'm sure my problems are really more about my attitude than they are about my kids. So I've decided to change my attitude and see what happens.

Today, I will not expect the 2-year-old to stay out of anything that is within her reach. And I'll try harder to keep the markers and other writing tools out of her reach so that she doesn't write on my chairs anymore.

Today, I will listen to Michael when he's talking. The whole time.

Today, I will not yell. I will use nice words like I tell my kids to do.

Today, I might not get the dishes done. And I will not get angry with anyone else because my sink is full of dirty dishes. (That doesn't mean, however, that I won't ask you to do them, Jeff.)

Today, I am choosing to be a better mom. Because my kids deserve it, and because although I still sort of think I wasn't meant to be a mom, I am a mom. And I'm going to be a mom for the rest of my life. So I might as well be a happier mom.

Because if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

surprise testimony meeting

Our bishop occasionally throws us a curve ball. Like today, in Sacrament Meeting. He had "to be announced" on the program. Not a good sign. Then he asked all of the people in the room who speak a foreign language to come up and bear our testimonies in that language.

When I found out, I started shaking. Is that weird? I was just profoundly grateful to have that opportunity. I kind of think of Portuguese as the language that my testimony was born in. I mean, I had a testimony before my mission, but that's really where so many things were solidified for me. I haven't spoken Portuguese really at all since Jeff and I went to Portugal in 2004. And I haven't really used gospel language in Portuguese since my mission. I'm pretty sure half of it came out Spanish (since Michael is learning Spanish in school, I've been trying to brush up a little on that). But it still felt good. And it was fun to hear everyone speak all these cool languages - we had Tagalog, Vietnamese, German, Spanish, Portuguese, and at least two languages that I didn't even understand the name of the language - from Malaysia or something. It was neat.

What I wish I could say, but can't for various reasons

Dear ____,

First of all, I want you to know that Jeff and I care about you a great deal. We think of you and speak of you often, and we are heartbroken over some of things that you have had to deal with in your life. I know that we can never understand.

But I also know that Jesus Christ understands. I know that you know it too. You once had a testimony. I've heard you bear it. You know that living the principles Christ taught is the only way you'll ever truly be happy. You were so happy. So happy. The joy used to shine from your eyes and face. Do you remember that? You glowed. But it's gone now, and that breaks my heart. I believe, however, that your testimony is not gone. It's still in there. You may fight it, but it will keep rising to the surface, inviting you to change and to return to the happiness you had.

Please, accept the invitation. And soon. We miss you.

Chuck E. Cheese's

Last night for Family Home Evening we took advantage of a coupon to Chuck E. Cheese's. We had never been there before. The kids LOVED it. They had such a good time. We had 50 tokens, which was plenty for our night. One of the hits of the night was the air hockey table. They both had so much fun.
And a video of Faith riding the race horse.

Sporting her new glasses from the prize counter.
As we were leaving, the kids asked when we could go back. Anyone want to go with us sometime? We have more coupons.....

new toys for the girls

Lauren has a new hang-out. She loves it. This video was her very first time in it.

I was cleaning out my cedar chest and came across some of my old dolls. I gave them to Faith and Lauren. Faith is completely obsessed with her Strawberry Shortcake doll.And Lauren likes Esmerelda, too. (Can you believe I really named her that?)

finishing touches

I finally got the curtains hung up in our bedroom.Yes, the bedspread doesn't match the paint. I'll get to that another day. Here's the smaller window.
To be honest, I don't love them. It's not what I envisioned. I don't hate them, either, so that's good.

I hung up a couple of corner shelves in the girls' room (a set of three shelves for $3 from a yard sale - but there was really only room for two of them).
Faith loves having her animals on the shelves. And I love that they're not on her bed.

In other renovation news, here are current photos of our basement family room.Here we go again. Ugh.