Is it REALLY so hard?

I've been trying to find someone to cover the night audit shifts at work. These are the shifts that used to be worked by the lady who was fired. Since I had a HUGE stack of applications, I didn't advertise the position. I figured, "Hey, the economy is bad, people are looking for work, I have this big stack of applications, I should be able to find someone." Honestly, I hate advertising in the paper. You never know what you're going to get, and you end up sorting through all kinds of people to find one decent one.

Anyway, I sorted through the stack of applications and resumes. Some of them were pretty old, so I narrowed it down to about 15 which had been turned in during the last six weeks, hadn't been fired from every job they've ever had, and had actually held jobs for more than a few months at a time. I called them all, and had one person answer the phone. One out of 15. And she didn't want a graveyard position. So I left 14 messages. Two of them called me back, and I scheduled them both for interviews.

Robert was first. He seemed nice enough. I really think he could do the job well. But then I had my first hint that maybe this wasn't the place for him.

Me: Just so you know, there is a lot of down-time on this job. If you go to school, you could do homework; or you could read a book or something.

Robert: That's no problem, man, I'll just plug my iPod into the computer and listen to music.

Me: Well, actually, our computers at the desk don't have speakers.

Robert: That's no problem. I'll just wear my earbuds, and as long as I take one of them out when a guest comes in, that's cool.

Really? You'd be so kind as to take ONE earbud out when a guest comes in and you might have to DO YOUR JOB?!?!?!?!?

And then this statement:

Robert: My other job is actually just down the street here, and I get off there at 9 pm. So I could bring my stuff with me to that job, and just come here and grab a room for a couple of hours before I clock in. (His shift would start at midnight.)

Okay, so then I knew for sure that this guy was too laid back. He'd probably do fine as far as the work is concerned, but his level of professionalism is seriously lacking. I told him I had another interview scheduled (actually not true at the time of his interview), and that I'd call him when I made a decision. Then I called him later and told him I had gone with a different candidate. Nevermind that at that time there WAS no other candidate. I just wasn't going with him.

Then Andrea called me back. Actually, that isn't quite true. I had called Andrea, but her phone went right to voice mail, and it said, "This is Andrea. My phone isn't working right now, so if you need to reach me, call ...." and she rattled off another number. I called the other number, and it went to a voice mail that was impossible to understand, so I left a message after the beep and that was it.

A little while later, a guy called me back. He said, "Someone called me from this number?" I hate it when people say that. His voice sounded eerily familiar to me, and I thought, "Is this Tim who used to work here?" Tim is an interesting story. He used to show up to work with big spikes hanging out of his nostrils, even after being told that he couldn't have facial jewelry at work. For Halloween he dressed as Fidel Castro, in fatigues complete with a big fat cigar. Just before he quit, we found out he had been letting his friends into rooms to party without anyone paying for those rooms.

Back to the phone call. So when I asked for the guy's name, and he said Tim, I was instantly wary. I found the number he was calling from on the application turned in by Andrea, and so I said, "Actually, I was calling for Andrea." He said she was right there, and I spoke to her. She said she was interested in the job, so we scheduled an interview.

I'm sure that after she hung up, Tim told her all about this place, how she wouldn't be able to wear nose spikes and she'd have to cover her tattoos, because she never showed up to the interview. I was a little peeved that she didn't show up, but then after looking back at Tim's paperwork, and finding that his phone number was the same as hers, I counted myself lucky.

So I was left with no options. Poor Kay (our full-time night auditor) has been working seven nights a week for over two weeks now, and desperately needs a break. But he is the only one trained on the audit shift, so we don't really have an option. I'd honestly be willing to work for him, but with staying up all night and then having to stay awake even longer because the kids are up during the day, I don't think I could function. And besides, I'm not really trained well enough to do it alone.

Why is it so hard to find a decent person? Especially right now? I thought this would be pretty simple.