I don't even know where to begin telling about all the money we are spending these days. Yesterday we had someone come give us an estimate to run heating into our two basement bedrooms. We found that our furnace is undersized and overworked, and to run extra registers would only make it worse. So today, we had a new furnace installed. I keep imagining those loud old-fashioned cash register dings. Cha-ching. At least it's a high-efficiency one that will get us a $1500 tax credit as well as a rebate from the gas company.
Jeff has had consultations at two different companies for Lasik. He will probably have his surgery in about three weeks. Cha-ching. Thank goodness for a health savings account. This is something he has wanted for a long time, and we decided a while ago that he would do it in 2010.
We applied for a new mortgage today. Actually, to refinance our existing mortgage. But since we're refinancing with a different bank, we have to pay more out of pocket. Cha-ching. We wanted to refinance with Chase (which is where our current mortgage is), but they have this stupid rule that a home has to be off the market for 30 days before they will even accept an application for a refinance. And if we want cash out (which we do), it has to be off the market for six months. We don't want to wait six months before applying to refinance. Once Lauren is sleeping through the night, I'm hoping to get her and Faith moved into their own room and Jeff and me into our own room in the basement, and that means we have to get going on fixing up the basement now. We really don't have six months to wait. So we went to America First and got locked in today for a much better interest rate on a 20-year loan. But we do have to pay an appraisal fee out of pocket. Cha-ching.
I guess if I think about it, it isn't too bad. The money that we get back from the loan will pay for the furnace, plus remodel the basement bedroom (we hope - I'm sure there will be many entertaining posts in the future, ranting about the remodeling habits of the Turvorts and how we have to fix tons of things that we didn't even know were issues). The HSA will pay for Jeff's Lasik. Okay, WE will pay for his Lasik, but at least the HSA is a way to pay for it over a year with no interest and with tax-free money.
Still, if anyone finds a money tree, please let me know.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Conversion to Motherhood
I heard a talk at BYU Women's Conference a few years ago, where the speaker described herself as a convert to motherhood. At the time, Michael was the only kid we had, but I knew exactly what she was talking about. I was never one to say, "A mom!" when people asked me what I wanted to be. I was going to be a teacher, or a mathematician, or a debate coach. Yes, I wanted to have kids, but that didn't seem like a career choice that I would be satisfied with.
To be honest, I still struggle with this sometimes. Leaving the job I had when Michael was born was one of the hardest things I've done. And now I am perhaps too attached to my hotel job. But Jeff will attest to the fact that I am much easier to live with when I get out of the house a couple nights a week.
But every once in a while I find myself overwhelmed with happiness that I get to be the mother of these kids. And I think there has been one defining moment with each one of them, when I have been converted to being that child's mother.
Michael cried a lot, from the very beginning, and it seemed like he had to be held all the time to be happy. One night when he was just a few days old, I was lying on the couch and he was lying on top of me. It had been a rough night, and he had finally calmed down. I was just rubbing his back, and all of a sudden I felt such an overwhelming love, like nothing I had ever felt before. And honestly, it wasn't MY love for him that I was feeling. It was like for a brief moment, I felt the love that God has for him. That's the only explanation I have for the intensity of that feeling. I think I was being allowed to feel that love to help me be a better mother to him. That was probably my first "conversion to motherhood" moment.
With Faith, I think it happened the first time I saw her. As most of you know, her birth was pretty dramatic. Jeff and I had some interesting experiences with prayer and listening to the spirit in the days leading up to her birth, and when all of the drama was finally over and Jeff brought her around so I could see her, and he said, "She's perfect," and I felt so much relief and fatigue and who-knows-what-else all at once. I knew that we had been incredibly blessed in the way things had happened, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude for this little girl.
Yesterday I had my "moment" with Lauren. I saw in her eyes a look of joy. That probably sounds so strange, but it's the only way I can explain it. Her whole face was lit up with joy - and she wasn't even smiling. She has always been content and her countenance is pretty cheerful. But I'd never seen a look like that. I hope I never forget it.
I sometimes wish I was more like the people who, for their entire lives, have wanted nothing more than to be a mother. But I'm not. Motherhood did not come naturally to me, and there are still some rough and bumpy moments, when I start to wonder why I entered this path in the first place (I really hope I'm not the only one who feels that way). I still want to go back to school, and I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll leave my hotel job. But when I have these incredible moments with my kids, I am reminded of what really matters most. They are my most important work. Gradually, I am becoming "converted" to this whole motherhood thing.
To be honest, I still struggle with this sometimes. Leaving the job I had when Michael was born was one of the hardest things I've done. And now I am perhaps too attached to my hotel job. But Jeff will attest to the fact that I am much easier to live with when I get out of the house a couple nights a week.
But every once in a while I find myself overwhelmed with happiness that I get to be the mother of these kids. And I think there has been one defining moment with each one of them, when I have been converted to being that child's mother.
Michael cried a lot, from the very beginning, and it seemed like he had to be held all the time to be happy. One night when he was just a few days old, I was lying on the couch and he was lying on top of me. It had been a rough night, and he had finally calmed down. I was just rubbing his back, and all of a sudden I felt such an overwhelming love, like nothing I had ever felt before. And honestly, it wasn't MY love for him that I was feeling. It was like for a brief moment, I felt the love that God has for him. That's the only explanation I have for the intensity of that feeling. I think I was being allowed to feel that love to help me be a better mother to him. That was probably my first "conversion to motherhood" moment.
With Faith, I think it happened the first time I saw her. As most of you know, her birth was pretty dramatic. Jeff and I had some interesting experiences with prayer and listening to the spirit in the days leading up to her birth, and when all of the drama was finally over and Jeff brought her around so I could see her, and he said, "She's perfect," and I felt so much relief and fatigue and who-knows-what-else all at once. I knew that we had been incredibly blessed in the way things had happened, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude for this little girl.
Yesterday I had my "moment" with Lauren. I saw in her eyes a look of joy. That probably sounds so strange, but it's the only way I can explain it. Her whole face was lit up with joy - and she wasn't even smiling. She has always been content and her countenance is pretty cheerful. But I'd never seen a look like that. I hope I never forget it.
I sometimes wish I was more like the people who, for their entire lives, have wanted nothing more than to be a mother. But I'm not. Motherhood did not come naturally to me, and there are still some rough and bumpy moments, when I start to wonder why I entered this path in the first place (I really hope I'm not the only one who feels that way). I still want to go back to school, and I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll leave my hotel job. But when I have these incredible moments with my kids, I am reminded of what really matters most. They are my most important work. Gradually, I am becoming "converted" to this whole motherhood thing.
Monday, December 28, 2009
A nice surprise
I got a card yesterday in the mail from a Mary Cook in California. I could not for the life of me think who Mary Cook was, but when I opened the card, I found a very nice note, telling me that the wedding cake I did for her daughter was beautiful. (Yeah, remember the worst wedding cake I ever did? That's the one.) She even threw in a $20 tip, which was kind of her. It was a very pleasant surprise, especially since I was ready to give a good chunk of her money back.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Christmas
We had a great Christmas this year. The kids were spoiled and got more than they should have, and Jeff and I probably got more than we should have, too. We tried really hard to explain to the kids (especially Michael) that Christmas is NOT about Santa Claus, but it's hard to say that, and then see all the gifts that "Santa" brought, and have it not be about Santa and presents.
We had a special Family Home Evening where we talked about Jesus' birth, and we had a family prayer before we opened gifts, but when I asked Michael why we had Christmas, he still said, "So Santa can bring us presents." And when he said his prayers on Christmas Eve, he said, "And bless Santa that he can come visit us tomorrow." So the message obviously didn't quite sink in.
We had told Michael that when he got up on Christmas, he could look at the gifts, but he couldn't touch them or play with them or open them until after breakfast. He was very excited to see that Santa had brought not one, but TWO remote control trucks. When I suggested that one was probably for Daddy, he got even more excited - which was nice. Faith got a baby doll with a stroller, bed, and high chair; and Lauren got a play mat which will hopefully keep her entertained for hours on end as she gets a little older.
All the kids also got a ton of other toys, clothes, etc. Like I said, they were spoiled. When it was all over, Jeff and I spent a lot of time cleaning out about half of the toys we already had to make room for the new stuff. The back of the van is currently full of things to drop off at the Ogden Rescue Mission thrift store tomorrow.
I think in future years, Christmas will be different. I like giving the kids fun gifts and toys, but really, I think it was just too much. We didn't spend a ton of money, but I just don't want Christmas to be so much about the presents. I'm thinking that starting next year, we'll do maybe a Christmas outfit, a book, a game, and a special toy or two for each kid. I want to downsize, simplify, make it more about Christ.
We had a special Family Home Evening where we talked about Jesus' birth, and we had a family prayer before we opened gifts, but when I asked Michael why we had Christmas, he still said, "So Santa can bring us presents." And when he said his prayers on Christmas Eve, he said, "And bless Santa that he can come visit us tomorrow." So the message obviously didn't quite sink in.
We had told Michael that when he got up on Christmas, he could look at the gifts, but he couldn't touch them or play with them or open them until after breakfast. He was very excited to see that Santa had brought not one, but TWO remote control trucks. When I suggested that one was probably for Daddy, he got even more excited - which was nice. Faith got a baby doll with a stroller, bed, and high chair; and Lauren got a play mat which will hopefully keep her entertained for hours on end as she gets a little older.
All the kids also got a ton of other toys, clothes, etc. Like I said, they were spoiled. When it was all over, Jeff and I spent a lot of time cleaning out about half of the toys we already had to make room for the new stuff. The back of the van is currently full of things to drop off at the Ogden Rescue Mission thrift store tomorrow.
I think in future years, Christmas will be different. I like giving the kids fun gifts and toys, but really, I think it was just too much. We didn't spend a ton of money, but I just don't want Christmas to be so much about the presents. I'm thinking that starting next year, we'll do maybe a Christmas outfit, a book, a game, and a special toy or two for each kid. I want to downsize, simplify, make it more about Christ.
Monday, December 21, 2009
The Catch-Up Post
As promised:
The family Christmas party. My whole family came up on Saturday for our First Annual Hansen Family Christmas Party. We've had Christmas activities in the past, of course, but now that the family is getting bigger, it's just really hard to all go to Delta with all of the gifts for all of the kids, and then haul all of those same gifts (plus more) home. So from now on, Jeff and I and the kids will have Christmas morning in our own home. Although, Mom and Dad, you're always welcome to come spend Christmas Eve night here and have Christmas morning with us. I promise to play the Hallelujah Chorus at some indecent hour and wake you up.
The party was a lot of fun. Mandi was in charge, and all Jeff and I had to do was get the house cleaned. Jeff took care of most of that (thank you, thank you, thank you). I did the bathrooms, but he pretty much did the rest. And thanks to Mom and whoever else cleaned up after and did the dishes. That was a pleasant surprise.
We exchanged gifts, played games, ate Costco chickens, and just enjoyed each others' company. It was a fun activity.
*****
The day before our activity, I had a wedding cake to deliver. I baked it on Wednesday and frosted and decorated it on Thursday, then just had to deliver it on Friday. It was the WORST wedding cake I've ever done. Mostly, I wasn't feeling well. I've had some issues with recovering from this C-section, and I haven't bounced back as quickly as I thought I would. There was one time a few days ago when I seriously thought, "Maybe I've already died, and I went to hell." That's how crappy I felt. So anyway, since I felt so crappy on Thursday, I didn't end up icing the cake until later at night. And the lighting in my dining room is bad. So I thought it looked pretty good, until I saw it in the daylight on Friday. But by that time it was too late to start over. Thanks to a very talented florist, however, the cake turned out okay. I would even say it turned out well. She is a VERY talented florist. I didn't get any photos, but the mother of the groom is supposed to get some for me. I'll post them, so you can see how good a bad cake can look.
*****
Michael has started singing his own version of "Follow the Prophet." He sings "Follow the Christmas Tree." Yes, sacrilegious, I know. He started pounding out some notes on the piano and singing it, and he told us "That's a new Christmas song." No kidding. Then he played it again, but it was a little different that time (of course). So then he said, "That was a different Follow the Christmas Tree." We asked him how many there were, and he said 81. Yes, 81 versions of this charming little ditty:
*****
And finally, I took Lauren to have some photos taken today. My friend Whitnie just finished up a photography class, and she has been looking for subjects to practice on. So today I took Lauren over to her home and she took photos. It was nice - especially because Jeff stayed home today and I left the other two kids home with him.
Anyway, I didn't expect to see the photos for several more days, at least. But tonight, Whitnie and her family brought the CD over to us. She said she had so much fun that she spent all day working on them. Here are a couple of my favorites:
In the cocoon:
Her cute feet. I wish you could see how long her toes are, but she just would NOT uncurl them.
Love the yawn.
She looks so sweet here.
Whitnie made this tutu, and I think it's so cute.
Her only smile of the session.
And of course, the cowboy boots. I had to get a picture with the cowboy boots.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Whitnie. These turned out better than I had even hoped.
The family Christmas party. My whole family came up on Saturday for our First Annual Hansen Family Christmas Party. We've had Christmas activities in the past, of course, but now that the family is getting bigger, it's just really hard to all go to Delta with all of the gifts for all of the kids, and then haul all of those same gifts (plus more) home. So from now on, Jeff and I and the kids will have Christmas morning in our own home. Although, Mom and Dad, you're always welcome to come spend Christmas Eve night here and have Christmas morning with us. I promise to play the Hallelujah Chorus at some indecent hour and wake you up.
The party was a lot of fun. Mandi was in charge, and all Jeff and I had to do was get the house cleaned. Jeff took care of most of that (thank you, thank you, thank you). I did the bathrooms, but he pretty much did the rest. And thanks to Mom and whoever else cleaned up after and did the dishes. That was a pleasant surprise.
We exchanged gifts, played games, ate Costco chickens, and just enjoyed each others' company. It was a fun activity.
*****
The day before our activity, I had a wedding cake to deliver. I baked it on Wednesday and frosted and decorated it on Thursday, then just had to deliver it on Friday. It was the WORST wedding cake I've ever done. Mostly, I wasn't feeling well. I've had some issues with recovering from this C-section, and I haven't bounced back as quickly as I thought I would. There was one time a few days ago when I seriously thought, "Maybe I've already died, and I went to hell." That's how crappy I felt. So anyway, since I felt so crappy on Thursday, I didn't end up icing the cake until later at night. And the lighting in my dining room is bad. So I thought it looked pretty good, until I saw it in the daylight on Friday. But by that time it was too late to start over. Thanks to a very talented florist, however, the cake turned out okay. I would even say it turned out well. She is a VERY talented florist. I didn't get any photos, but the mother of the groom is supposed to get some for me. I'll post them, so you can see how good a bad cake can look.
*****
Michael has started singing his own version of "Follow the Prophet." He sings "Follow the Christmas Tree." Yes, sacrilegious, I know. He started pounding out some notes on the piano and singing it, and he told us "That's a new Christmas song." No kidding. Then he played it again, but it was a little different that time (of course). So then he said, "That was a different Follow the Christmas Tree." We asked him how many there were, and he said 81. Yes, 81 versions of this charming little ditty:
*****
And finally, I took Lauren to have some photos taken today. My friend Whitnie just finished up a photography class, and she has been looking for subjects to practice on. So today I took Lauren over to her home and she took photos. It was nice - especially because Jeff stayed home today and I left the other two kids home with him.
Anyway, I didn't expect to see the photos for several more days, at least. But tonight, Whitnie and her family brought the CD over to us. She said she had so much fun that she spent all day working on them. Here are a couple of my favorites:
In the cocoon:
Her cute feet. I wish you could see how long her toes are, but she just would NOT uncurl them.
Love the yawn.
She looks so sweet here.
Whitnie made this tutu, and I think it's so cute.
Her only smile of the session.
And of course, the cowboy boots. I had to get a picture with the cowboy boots.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Whitnie. These turned out better than I had even hoped.
Falling Behind...
Yes, I'm falling behind on my blogging. But who has time? With Christmas, kids, new baby, family, etc., I'm lucky to keep up with the laundry! Oh wait, I haven't been keeping up with that, either.
But I promise, before I go to bed tonight, I will sit down and blog about the family Christmas party, the worst wedding cake I've ever made, Michael and his 81 arrangements of a very annoying song, Lauren's newborn photos, and maybe a couple other things as well.
But I promise, before I go to bed tonight, I will sit down and blog about the family Christmas party, the worst wedding cake I've ever made, Michael and his 81 arrangements of a very annoying song, Lauren's newborn photos, and maybe a couple other things as well.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Unmotivated...
I wandered around the house today and realized that I have a LOT to catch up on. The dishwasher needed to be unloaded; the sink was full of dirty dishes; there is laundry to be folded; the bathrooms are dirty (one of my biggest pet peeves); the kitchen needs to be swept and mopped; the table needs to be wiped off; the carpets need to be vacuumed; and on and on. But then I went to take a nap instead of doing any of it. And after my nap I wrapped some Christmas presents.
I'd better get off my duff, though, because we have to clean the house before the weekend, when all of my family will be here for our Christmas activity. And I have to bake a wedding cake tomorrow and decorate it on Thursday and deliver it on Friday.
Just one more thing - why am I so cold all the time? I can't get warm for anything. I wear my jacket all the time, and turn the heat way up, and I still am constantly freezing. The only thing I can think is that I'm not getting enough calories, with breastfeeding and all. But I also don't have any desire to eat. I'm hungry, but I can't find anything that sounds good, except water, which has no calories at all. It's like being pregnant all over again. Except at least this time, my belly is getting smaller instead of larger.
On another note, Lauren had her two-week appointment today. She weighs 7 pounds 4 1/2 ounces, and is 21 inches long. She grew an inch and a half in two weeks! The doctor said she looks great. She's a pretty mellow baby, for which I am very grateful. She doesn't cry much unless she thinks I'm starving her. She's good-natured and generally content. She's starting to focus on people's faces, and she tries really hard to hold her head up by herself. I still think she looks like a little old man, just like Michael did. Honestly, she doesn't even look like a girl to me unless she has a bow or headband on her head. She's cute, just not very feminine-looking yet. Of course, that's probably because she looks so much like Michael.
I'd better get off my duff, though, because we have to clean the house before the weekend, when all of my family will be here for our Christmas activity. And I have to bake a wedding cake tomorrow and decorate it on Thursday and deliver it on Friday.
Just one more thing - why am I so cold all the time? I can't get warm for anything. I wear my jacket all the time, and turn the heat way up, and I still am constantly freezing. The only thing I can think is that I'm not getting enough calories, with breastfeeding and all. But I also don't have any desire to eat. I'm hungry, but I can't find anything that sounds good, except water, which has no calories at all. It's like being pregnant all over again. Except at least this time, my belly is getting smaller instead of larger.
On another note, Lauren had her two-week appointment today. She weighs 7 pounds 4 1/2 ounces, and is 21 inches long. She grew an inch and a half in two weeks! The doctor said she looks great. She's a pretty mellow baby, for which I am very grateful. She doesn't cry much unless she thinks I'm starving her. She's good-natured and generally content. She's starting to focus on people's faces, and she tries really hard to hold her head up by herself. I still think she looks like a little old man, just like Michael did. Honestly, she doesn't even look like a girl to me unless she has a bow or headband on her head. She's cute, just not very feminine-looking yet. Of course, that's probably because she looks so much like Michael.
Monday, December 14, 2009
On My Own
I thought Jeff was going to work from home for another week. It has been nice having him here. Actually, it's been hard, because while he's working, I have to keep the kids upstairs, where there are no toys, no TV, no Daddy. So the kids have been a little temperamental, and I've been a little anxious to have the basement back. But still, I didn't think I'd be on my own with three kids for another week.
But I was wrong. I must have misunderstood. Today Jeff went to work and I had no choice but to go to work as well, being caretaker of three. In all honesty, it went pretty well. All the kids were fed and dressed by nine or so. I took a shower, and we left at 10:00 to do the grocery shopping. Three kids at the grocery store was an adventure, but we survived and managed to get home and put the groceries away in time for Michael to eat lunch and catch the school bus. By this time, I SOOOO wanted a nap. But I had to go into work today for our monthly front desk meeting (and annual Christmas gift exchange), and I hadn't prepared yet. So I spent Faith's nap time getting ready for the meeting.
And now it's 10 pm, and the kids have been in bed for an hour and a half. I took a trip to Michael's by myself after they went to bed to pick up some things for this weekend (making a wedding cake, and having a family Christmas party), and I am exhausted and want to go to bed myself, but I also really enjoy having some time without them. And I have a lot of Christmas presents to wrap. What to do?
I think sleep is going to win.
But I was wrong. I must have misunderstood. Today Jeff went to work and I had no choice but to go to work as well, being caretaker of three. In all honesty, it went pretty well. All the kids were fed and dressed by nine or so. I took a shower, and we left at 10:00 to do the grocery shopping. Three kids at the grocery store was an adventure, but we survived and managed to get home and put the groceries away in time for Michael to eat lunch and catch the school bus. By this time, I SOOOO wanted a nap. But I had to go into work today for our monthly front desk meeting (and annual Christmas gift exchange), and I hadn't prepared yet. So I spent Faith's nap time getting ready for the meeting.
And now it's 10 pm, and the kids have been in bed for an hour and a half. I took a trip to Michael's by myself after they went to bed to pick up some things for this weekend (making a wedding cake, and having a family Christmas party), and I am exhausted and want to go to bed myself, but I also really enjoy having some time without them. And I have a lot of Christmas presents to wrap. What to do?
I think sleep is going to win.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Dear Winter...
Yesterday Jeff and Michael spent some time outside playing in the snow. They had a great time building a snowman.
And Michael even made "two big trees" all by himself.
I occasionally looked out the window to see how they were doing.
We've had our fun for the year. Dear Winter, please feel free to leave.
And Michael even made "two big trees" all by himself.
I occasionally looked out the window to see how they were doing.We've had our fun for the year. Dear Winter, please feel free to leave.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Cute Faith
I finally gave Faith a haircut. I was worried that I would cut all of her curls off, but it turned out okay. However, I believe in the future I will leave the hair cutting to those who have been trained.
And other random, recent photos of Faith:
And other random, recent photos of Faith:
Friday, December 11, 2009
Resolution re-cap
So I was looking today at my list of 2009 resolutions. Just to refresh your memory, here's what they were:
1. get out of non-mortgage debt
2. exercise 4 days a week
3. give up French fries
4. give up carbonation
Hmm. How did I do? Well, we're not out of non-mortgage debt. We bought a minivan, and we financed it. But that's the only non-mortgage debt we have. We do have a credit card that we use mostly for gas, and we pay it off each month, so it doesn't accrue interest. I don't count the credit card.
I exercised four days one week.
I have cut way back on French fries, but I do still occasionally indulge. But once every couple of weeks is lots better than two or three times a week. I'd call that progress.
I still like to drink soda. But as with the French fries, I've done much better. And honestly, I choose Sprite or other non-caffeinated drinks more than I choose Coke, so that's improvement.
Okay, so I failed on all four. Obviously those weren't good resolutions. (Has nothing to do with my willpower.)
For 2010:
1. stay out of non-mortgage, non-vehicle debt
2. exercise four days a week, at least once a month
3. eat French fries no more than once every two weeks
4. drink soda no more than once a week
What was that about raising the bar?
1. get out of non-mortgage debt
2. exercise 4 days a week
3. give up French fries
4. give up carbonation
Hmm. How did I do? Well, we're not out of non-mortgage debt. We bought a minivan, and we financed it. But that's the only non-mortgage debt we have. We do have a credit card that we use mostly for gas, and we pay it off each month, so it doesn't accrue interest. I don't count the credit card.
I exercised four days one week.
I have cut way back on French fries, but I do still occasionally indulge. But once every couple of weeks is lots better than two or three times a week. I'd call that progress.
I still like to drink soda. But as with the French fries, I've done much better. And honestly, I choose Sprite or other non-caffeinated drinks more than I choose Coke, so that's improvement.
Okay, so I failed on all four. Obviously those weren't good resolutions. (Has nothing to do with my willpower.)
For 2010:
1. stay out of non-mortgage, non-vehicle debt
2. exercise four days a week, at least once a month
3. eat French fries no more than once every two weeks
4. drink soda no more than once a week
What was that about raising the bar?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Thankful Thursday
1. I'm thankful for my serger. It makes all of my projects look so much more "finished." And I'm a perfectionist, so this is very important to me.
2. I'm thankful for staple guns. My dad fixed our couches a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't get around to fixing the upholstery that covers the springs until yesterday and today. The staple gun made it much easier (and the serger made it much nicer looking).
3. I'm thankful for the little travel bed that we moved Lauren into. The pack-n-play was just too bulky to have in my bedroom. And besides, it blocked the heat vent, which made the room way too cold to have a baby in anyway. The travel bed fits right on top of my dresser. I have to get out of bed to feed her at night, but at least it's warmer and I can walk in the bedroom.
4. I'm thankful for Kid to Kid, where on an impulse, I bought said travel bed several months ago.
5. I'm thankful for friends who donate their kids' old clothes to me. Both Lauren and Faith got some darling things from my friend Brandy.
6. I'm thankful for a warm house, presents under the Christmas tree, cute kids, a good husband, nice sheets on my bed, a sleeping baby.
Life is good.
2. I'm thankful for staple guns. My dad fixed our couches a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't get around to fixing the upholstery that covers the springs until yesterday and today. The staple gun made it much easier (and the serger made it much nicer looking).
3. I'm thankful for the little travel bed that we moved Lauren into. The pack-n-play was just too bulky to have in my bedroom. And besides, it blocked the heat vent, which made the room way too cold to have a baby in anyway. The travel bed fits right on top of my dresser. I have to get out of bed to feed her at night, but at least it's warmer and I can walk in the bedroom.
4. I'm thankful for Kid to Kid, where on an impulse, I bought said travel bed several months ago.
5. I'm thankful for friends who donate their kids' old clothes to me. Both Lauren and Faith got some darling things from my friend Brandy.
6. I'm thankful for a warm house, presents under the Christmas tree, cute kids, a good husband, nice sheets on my bed, a sleeping baby.
Life is good.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Faith loves bananas. But she won't eat one unless SHE holds it. And it has to be in the peel. You can't peel it and put it on her tray. Nope. Won't eat it. I think my mom must have given her a banana in the peel while the kids were in Delta. Ever since she came back, it has been the ONLY way to eat one.
Here's Michael holding Lauren. He was very excited to meet her when my mom brought him and Faith back from Delta. He is a good big brother.
Faith has done really well with Lauren around. I was worried about her. But she's very sweet to Lauren - calls her "baby," pats her head or belly, tries to give her a binkie when she cries. It's cute. But I can also tell that it's hard on Faith to have to share the attention. She's been a little more whiney than normal, and she just needs some extra attention.
With another child, I had to find another Christmas stocking. Michael and Faith had matching ones, but I couldn't find another one that matched those for Lauren. So I decided to copy the ones Jeff and I have and make a new one for each kid, so the whole family would have matching stockings.
Here are the originals, which I bought at Fred Meyer ages ago for Jeff and me:
And here's my version for the kids:
This was a fun project - and really easy. And the best part is, when we have kids in the future, I can just make another one to match. Aren't snowmen cute? I like snowman Christmas decor so much better than Santa decor.
Here's Michael holding Lauren. He was very excited to meet her when my mom brought him and Faith back from Delta. He is a good big brother.
Faith has done really well with Lauren around. I was worried about her. But she's very sweet to Lauren - calls her "baby," pats her head or belly, tries to give her a binkie when she cries. It's cute. But I can also tell that it's hard on Faith to have to share the attention. She's been a little more whiney than normal, and she just needs some extra attention. With another child, I had to find another Christmas stocking. Michael and Faith had matching ones, but I couldn't find another one that matched those for Lauren. So I decided to copy the ones Jeff and I have and make a new one for each kid, so the whole family would have matching stockings.
Here are the originals, which I bought at Fred Meyer ages ago for Jeff and me:
And here's my version for the kids:
This was a fun project - and really easy. And the best part is, when we have kids in the future, I can just make another one to match. Aren't snowmen cute? I like snowman Christmas decor so much better than Santa decor.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Visit from Grandpa
Today my dad came to visit. He had a lot going on at work, so he couldn't come up with my mom earlier this week. But work took him to North Salt Lake today, so he drove the extra 30 minutes to visit his newest grandbaby. Dad does NOT like to hold babies. But he held Lauren and said we should take a picture of the rare event. I tried, but the batteries in my camera were dead. So being the nice dad he is, he went and bought me some batteries and then held her again so we could get a picture.
He's such a good grandpa, and a great dad, and I'm really grateful for him.
Lauren is doing great. She pretty much eats and sleeps, like most babies. She's a good eater, which I'm very thankful for. She's already changed a lot in the last two days. I know I'm biased, but I think she's a very pretty girl. When she cries, though, her face wrinkles up and she looks like a very old, very small man. It's kind of ugly - but one of those "it's so ugly it's cute" looks. I can't wait to have photos taken (I'll be calling you, Whitnie!).
I'm doing pretty well. The pain is worse than I remember it being with Faith, but it could be that I just don't remember. I'm grateful for pain meds and ice packs. I am planning to go home tomorrow morning. It will be nice to have a change of scenery. You can only watch so much HGTV, and spend so much time on the computer. I'm looking forward to eating non-hospital food and sleeping in my own bed, and seeing Michael and Faith again. I've missed them.
He's such a good grandpa, and a great dad, and I'm really grateful for him.
Lauren is doing great. She pretty much eats and sleeps, like most babies. She's a good eater, which I'm very thankful for. She's already changed a lot in the last two days. I know I'm biased, but I think she's a very pretty girl. When she cries, though, her face wrinkles up and she looks like a very old, very small man. It's kind of ugly - but one of those "it's so ugly it's cute" looks. I can't wait to have photos taken (I'll be calling you, Whitnie!).I'm doing pretty well. The pain is worse than I remember it being with Faith, but it could be that I just don't remember. I'm grateful for pain meds and ice packs. I am planning to go home tomorrow morning. It will be nice to have a change of scenery. You can only watch so much HGTV, and spend so much time on the computer. I'm looking forward to eating non-hospital food and sleeping in my own bed, and seeing Michael and Faith again. I've missed them.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Lauren Ann Sabin
Lauren was born at 7:42 am this morning. It was very strange to have a scheduled C-section. We went in at 5:30 to do all the lab work and finish the registration process. The worst part of the day was getting the IV. It took four people and seven pokes to get it in. Here is my bruise from one of the pokes (not very in focus, but you get the idea).
Yeah, that was not fun. But the rest of the process was fine. The surgery went well - no trauma or drama like there was with Faith. Lauren weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces, and was 19 1/2 inches long. She screamed for about 10 minutes when the doctor pulled her out. She was not happy to be yanked from her warm world into the ice-cold operating room. (It was FREEZING in there.)
At first I didn't think she looked like either Michael or Faith. Just kind of a mix, I guess. Actually, I thought she looked like a little old man. But now that she's a few hours old (all of 15 hours now), and some of the puffiness has gone down, I think she looks quite a bit like Faith. Or Michael. Okay, so I really can't decide.
Just a couple more:
I'm feeling really good. I've been up and walked around a couple of times, and I don't really have much pain. I'm told, though, that the pain meds that they added to the spinal will wear off in the morning. So we'll see how I feel then. But now, it's time to sleep.
Yeah, that was not fun. But the rest of the process was fine. The surgery went well - no trauma or drama like there was with Faith. Lauren weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces, and was 19 1/2 inches long. She screamed for about 10 minutes when the doctor pulled her out. She was not happy to be yanked from her warm world into the ice-cold operating room. (It was FREEZING in there.)
At first I didn't think she looked like either Michael or Faith. Just kind of a mix, I guess. Actually, I thought she looked like a little old man. But now that she's a few hours old (all of 15 hours now), and some of the puffiness has gone down, I think she looks quite a bit like Faith. Or Michael. Okay, so I really can't decide.
Just a couple more:
I'm feeling really good. I've been up and walked around a couple of times, and I don't really have much pain. I'm told, though, that the pain meds that they added to the spinal will wear off in the morning. So we'll see how I feel then. But now, it's time to sleep.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Cami, 1; Puke Stains, 0
HA!!! After three days of working on it, I got the puke stains out of our baby clothes. I now feel like an accomplished housewife. Nevermind that the kitchen needs to be swept and mopped, the basement family room is a disaster of kids' toys, and my bed is not made (rarely is, unless someone is coming to see the house). Those stains are gone!
First I pre-treated them with a diluted mixture of ammonia and liquid laundry detergent. I let that soak overnight. The stains were lighter, but definitely still there. (A lady I used to know swore by that formula, and said it took puke stains out of her stored clothes, but maybe she had some other trick that she didn't share.) So then I soaked them overnight in oxi-clean and the hottest water I could get out of my faucet. Again, they were lighter, but still there.
So here's the secret weapon: I soaked them overnight with Tide with Bleach, then ran a spin cycle. The spots were almost invisible after that. So I soaked them overnight again with the Tide with Bleach, and ran another spin cycle. Then I washed them, with Tide with Bleach, and they are now all beautiful and clean.
I'm so proud. And grateful for the soak cycle on my new washer, so I didn't have to sit and listen for the washer to fill, then run in and turn it off.
First I pre-treated them with a diluted mixture of ammonia and liquid laundry detergent. I let that soak overnight. The stains were lighter, but definitely still there. (A lady I used to know swore by that formula, and said it took puke stains out of her stored clothes, but maybe she had some other trick that she didn't share.) So then I soaked them overnight in oxi-clean and the hottest water I could get out of my faucet. Again, they were lighter, but still there.
So here's the secret weapon: I soaked them overnight with Tide with Bleach, then ran a spin cycle. The spots were almost invisible after that. So I soaked them overnight again with the Tide with Bleach, and ran another spin cycle. Then I washed them, with Tide with Bleach, and they are now all beautiful and clean.
I'm so proud. And grateful for the soak cycle on my new washer, so I didn't have to sit and listen for the washer to fill, then run in and turn it off.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Things on my mind
It's been a week since I posted. Even though no big events have happened (still pregnant), I've had so much on my mind. So much, in fact, that it seems overwhelming to sit down and blog. So forgive the randomness of this post.
Lauren is scheduled to arrive in six days. I've made endless, detailed lists of all the things I need to do, make, pack, rearrange, etc., and I'm happy to say that I've crossed most of those things off my lists. I still need to get the car listed for sale, pack my bag for the hospital, and finish up a couple of gifts for the kids for Christmas. I was unpacking baby clothes from storage today, and noticed that a large number (like, half of them) have puke stains from Faith. Why IS it that they don't show up until they're stored? So now I have to go through and try to treat all those stains so we don't have to spend a small fortune on onesies and other essentials.
And speaking of treating stains and doing laundry, I had a load in the dryer and another in the washer earlier today, when I started catching whiffs of a burning smell. I tracked it to the basement, and when I opened the laundry room, it was full of smoke. After a quick moment of panic while I looked for flames, I realized that our washing machine motor, or bearings, or something, burned out. It's been pretty noisy lately on the spin cycle. Since I've had the washer for about seven years, and it was given to me by someone replacing hers with a new set, I'm guessing it's at least 10 years old. Jeff did some research online, and figured we are better off buying a new one than trying to fix the old one. So, off to Lowe's I went. Our new washer will be delivered on Friday, at which time I will attempt to clean the aforementioned stained baby clothes.
Does anyone have any great secrets to getting puke stains out? Particularly puke stains that have been stored?
*****
Of course, Thanksgiving is on my mind. We are having dinner this year with Jeff's extended family down in Draper at his Aunt Kathy's house. I signed up to bring three apple pies. I have a great pie recipe (thanks, Becca!), and planned to make them. But then I decided that I'm just too tired, and lazy, to peel all those apples, and especially to do all that pie crust. So I bought three Marie Callender pies. I feel a little guilty for being a slacker - I've never bought a pre-made pie in my life. But at $3.88 each from Macey's, I'll be a slacker and save myself the time and work. Sometimes it's worth it to pay a little extra money.
*****
This week ShopKo put up their version of the angel tree, where you choose a kid and buy Christmas gifts for them. Last year was the first year that we did it, and we decided to make it an annual tradition. Since with the baby coming, life will be a little more hectic during December, we went last night to do our shopping. It was kind of fun. Last night after the kids went to bed I went out to find the last couple of things. Let me just say, Ross is a great store.
While I was driving around, I just felt so grateful. For some time to myself. For the means to provide Christmas gifts for these kids. For my own kids. For Jeff. For my crazy, stressful life. For my job. For Michael eating one and a half plates full of spaghetti at Golden Corral. For my friends. For being almost done with Christmas. For my doctor, who was very kind yesterday even though he had so much going on. For my van (yes, I really do like it). For silence - no kids' music playing on the radio. For my ward. For my house. I'm really so blessed.
Lauren is scheduled to arrive in six days. I've made endless, detailed lists of all the things I need to do, make, pack, rearrange, etc., and I'm happy to say that I've crossed most of those things off my lists. I still need to get the car listed for sale, pack my bag for the hospital, and finish up a couple of gifts for the kids for Christmas. I was unpacking baby clothes from storage today, and noticed that a large number (like, half of them) have puke stains from Faith. Why IS it that they don't show up until they're stored? So now I have to go through and try to treat all those stains so we don't have to spend a small fortune on onesies and other essentials.
And speaking of treating stains and doing laundry, I had a load in the dryer and another in the washer earlier today, when I started catching whiffs of a burning smell. I tracked it to the basement, and when I opened the laundry room, it was full of smoke. After a quick moment of panic while I looked for flames, I realized that our washing machine motor, or bearings, or something, burned out. It's been pretty noisy lately on the spin cycle. Since I've had the washer for about seven years, and it was given to me by someone replacing hers with a new set, I'm guessing it's at least 10 years old. Jeff did some research online, and figured we are better off buying a new one than trying to fix the old one. So, off to Lowe's I went. Our new washer will be delivered on Friday, at which time I will attempt to clean the aforementioned stained baby clothes.
Does anyone have any great secrets to getting puke stains out? Particularly puke stains that have been stored?
*****
Of course, Thanksgiving is on my mind. We are having dinner this year with Jeff's extended family down in Draper at his Aunt Kathy's house. I signed up to bring three apple pies. I have a great pie recipe (thanks, Becca!), and planned to make them. But then I decided that I'm just too tired, and lazy, to peel all those apples, and especially to do all that pie crust. So I bought three Marie Callender pies. I feel a little guilty for being a slacker - I've never bought a pre-made pie in my life. But at $3.88 each from Macey's, I'll be a slacker and save myself the time and work. Sometimes it's worth it to pay a little extra money.
*****
This week ShopKo put up their version of the angel tree, where you choose a kid and buy Christmas gifts for them. Last year was the first year that we did it, and we decided to make it an annual tradition. Since with the baby coming, life will be a little more hectic during December, we went last night to do our shopping. It was kind of fun. Last night after the kids went to bed I went out to find the last couple of things. Let me just say, Ross is a great store.
While I was driving around, I just felt so grateful. For some time to myself. For the means to provide Christmas gifts for these kids. For my own kids. For Jeff. For my crazy, stressful life. For my job. For Michael eating one and a half plates full of spaghetti at Golden Corral. For my friends. For being almost done with Christmas. For my doctor, who was very kind yesterday even though he had so much going on. For my van (yes, I really do like it). For silence - no kids' music playing on the radio. For my ward. For my house. I'm really so blessed.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Movin' on up
Remember that old show The Jeffersons? I only remember the two main characters, and I remember the theme song. Movin' on up.... to the east side. The song has been stuck in my head for a couple of days.
Faith has "moved up" into a regular bed. For three nights now, she has slept and napped in the bottom bunk of Michael's bed. It's been interesting. When Michael moved into a twin, it took him about eight months to figure out that he could actually get out of it by himself. That was nice, because even when he woke up in the morning, he would stay in bed until I went and got him up.
Faith, on the other hand, lasts about 20 seconds in the bed before she is crawling out and coming to find us. I've had to lie down with her every time until she falls asleep. But I don't mind - I almost doze off myself, so it's a nice rest. Hopefully, though, she will soon start staying in bed without me there.
In other "moving up" news, we purchased a minivan yesterday. It's a 2005 Toyota Sienna. Jeff doesn't consider this a move up. He didn't want a minivan. But looking at how much it costs to insure an SUV, this was a better choice. (His truck, which is a 1999, is more expensive to insure than the minivan. Our 2002 car is also more expensive to insure, although not much.) It also has more room to grow while keeping the cargo space, which the SUV we considered really doesn't. Anyway, we are picking it up from the dealership today on our way back from Provo.
And why are we going to Provo? Jeff's grandpa died Friday morning, and the funeral is today. It was originally scheduled for yesterday, so I arranged to have the day off work and everything, but then it was changed to today. So the extra day off work was unnecessary, but it was still nice to have a little time to finish some projects and buy a minivan.
Projects. I have too many of them. I counted the projects that I MUST get finished before this baby is born, and yesterday I had 12. With the extra day off, though, I got four of those finished, so we're down to eight. But the remaining ones are going to take a LOT longer.
And just added to my list of things to do - sell our car. We didn't trade it in, because we owe just a little more on it than the trade-in value. So .....
FOR SALE:
2002 Chevrolet Malibu
79,000 miles
clean title, no known problems
asking $3500
If you know anyone who would be interested, send them my way!
Faith has "moved up" into a regular bed. For three nights now, she has slept and napped in the bottom bunk of Michael's bed. It's been interesting. When Michael moved into a twin, it took him about eight months to figure out that he could actually get out of it by himself. That was nice, because even when he woke up in the morning, he would stay in bed until I went and got him up.
Faith, on the other hand, lasts about 20 seconds in the bed before she is crawling out and coming to find us. I've had to lie down with her every time until she falls asleep. But I don't mind - I almost doze off myself, so it's a nice rest. Hopefully, though, she will soon start staying in bed without me there.
In other "moving up" news, we purchased a minivan yesterday. It's a 2005 Toyota Sienna. Jeff doesn't consider this a move up. He didn't want a minivan. But looking at how much it costs to insure an SUV, this was a better choice. (His truck, which is a 1999, is more expensive to insure than the minivan. Our 2002 car is also more expensive to insure, although not much.) It also has more room to grow while keeping the cargo space, which the SUV we considered really doesn't. Anyway, we are picking it up from the dealership today on our way back from Provo.
And why are we going to Provo? Jeff's grandpa died Friday morning, and the funeral is today. It was originally scheduled for yesterday, so I arranged to have the day off work and everything, but then it was changed to today. So the extra day off work was unnecessary, but it was still nice to have a little time to finish some projects and buy a minivan.
Projects. I have too many of them. I counted the projects that I MUST get finished before this baby is born, and yesterday I had 12. With the extra day off, though, I got four of those finished, so we're down to eight. But the remaining ones are going to take a LOT longer.
And just added to my list of things to do - sell our car. We didn't trade it in, because we owe just a little more on it than the trade-in value. So .....
FOR SALE:
2002 Chevrolet Malibu
79,000 miles
clean title, no known problems
asking $3500
If you know anyone who would be interested, send them my way!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Thankful Thursday
1. Ice water. I usually like the ice more than the water.
2. Black tie mousse cake from Olive Garden. Jeff and I went there for a short dessert-only date this evening, and it was yummy.
3. Fun craft shows where you find great ideas and a few great deals.
4. Mom, Mandi, Matthew and Abby visiting today.
5. Jeff. I love him so much.
2. Black tie mousse cake from Olive Garden. Jeff and I went there for a short dessert-only date this evening, and it was yummy.
3. Fun craft shows where you find great ideas and a few great deals.
4. Mom, Mandi, Matthew and Abby visiting today.
5. Jeff. I love him so much.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Zoo
We took the kids to Hogle Zoo today. Jeff was off because of Veterans Day, and his parents came with us. It was a GREAT day to be there. It was overcast, but no rain, and the temperature was really nice. And even better, the place was practically empty.
The kids were awesome, too. Michael had a brief breakdown when the carousel stopped and it was time to get off, but after a little talk, he decided to be happy so he could have a chance to ride it again. And he was so good for the rest of the day. I was so proud of him. Sometimes I feel like he really gets that his attitude is his choice. Other days, not so much. But today, he definitely chose to be happy, and it was so good to see.
Faith was so excited to see all the animals, especially the monkeys. Every time she saw one, she started pointed and making monkey sounds. It was funny. She loved riding the carousel, seeing the cottontails, and eating Jeff's chicken strips for lunch.
Overall, we all had a great time today. I'm really glad we went. We honestly couldn't have asked for a better day together. We brought our camera, but didn't take a single photo. Jeff's parents, however, took plenty. I'll have to get copies.
The kids were awesome, too. Michael had a brief breakdown when the carousel stopped and it was time to get off, but after a little talk, he decided to be happy so he could have a chance to ride it again. And he was so good for the rest of the day. I was so proud of him. Sometimes I feel like he really gets that his attitude is his choice. Other days, not so much. But today, he definitely chose to be happy, and it was so good to see.
Faith was so excited to see all the animals, especially the monkeys. Every time she saw one, she started pointed and making monkey sounds. It was funny. She loved riding the carousel, seeing the cottontails, and eating Jeff's chicken strips for lunch.
Overall, we all had a great time today. I'm really glad we went. We honestly couldn't have asked for a better day together. We brought our camera, but didn't take a single photo. Jeff's parents, however, took plenty. I'll have to get copies.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Scheduled
Lauren will be born on December 1st at about 7:30 am. Jeff and I have to be there at 5:30 am. Yuck. This, of course, is assuming that I don't go into labor before then. I hope not. I want this baby born in December - which for some reason sounds so much farther away from Thanksgiving than November 30th does.
Unfortunately, because of hospital regulations during this flu season, Michael and Faith will not get to meet their sister until we bring her home from the hospital. I'm sad about that, but I do understand why they have that rule.
Unfortunately, because of hospital regulations during this flu season, Michael and Faith will not get to meet their sister until we bring her home from the hospital. I'm sad about that, but I do understand why they have that rule.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Primary Program
I don't know why I even try on some days. Our morning started out really well. We got to church on time, with both kids fed and happy. Michael knew his part for the program ("We can pray to Heavenly Father") and was excited to sing and speak in front of everyone. I was really looking forward to sacrament meeting.
But something happened between Primary and sacrament meeting. I saw Michael in the hall just before we went into the chapel, and he was pouting because his teacher had taken away his M&Ms. Apparently, they'd had a treat in Primary, but the teachers had collected all the M&Ms and told the kids they would hand them out again after the program. Makes sense, right? You don't want the kids eating chocolate during the program. But the little kids just don't understand that, I guess.
So he went into the chapel a little less than happy. Then he was asked to sit between Jacie and Ragan instead of between Jacie and Addison. I guess when they practiced, he had been by Addison, and he was excited about that. But when they changed it, he started to cry. His teacher brought him down to us and told us that he was a little emotional. I talked with him for a while, and then brought him back up to sit with his class. He started to lose control again, so I brought him back down to sit with us until the sacrament was over.
He went back up and sat in the empty seat when the sacrament was over, but he was not happy. His class was first up to say their parts. He got up and said, "We can booooooooooooooo." He didn't really say boo, but he mumbled so much that that's what it sounded like. I was ticked. It's not like he was hurt. He just didn't get his way, so he decided to be a pill. When the kids would stand up to go to the front and sing, he would shuffle so slowly that the kids behind him couldn't get to the front, and they were waiting forever to start singing. He was disruptive and disrespectful. Finally I'd had enough. I took him off the stand and out to the foyer, where he cried and cried and cried. I don't know what his deal was. But I was honestly considering a good spanking when we got home.
Fortunately for him, he cheered up considerably a little while later. So no spanking. But Jeff did make him go apologize to his teachers for his behavior.
I just don't know what to do with him sometimes. He frustrates me so much that I think if I don't get away from him, I'm going to kick him all the way to the car (or the house, or his room). But at the same time, I'm not willing to just give him whatever he wants to avoid his temper tantrums. Because life isn't like that. Sometimes you don't get your way, and you just have to suck it up and move on.
Yes, another day in the life of being Michael's mother. I really wish we didn't bring out the worst in each other.
But something happened between Primary and sacrament meeting. I saw Michael in the hall just before we went into the chapel, and he was pouting because his teacher had taken away his M&Ms. Apparently, they'd had a treat in Primary, but the teachers had collected all the M&Ms and told the kids they would hand them out again after the program. Makes sense, right? You don't want the kids eating chocolate during the program. But the little kids just don't understand that, I guess.
So he went into the chapel a little less than happy. Then he was asked to sit between Jacie and Ragan instead of between Jacie and Addison. I guess when they practiced, he had been by Addison, and he was excited about that. But when they changed it, he started to cry. His teacher brought him down to us and told us that he was a little emotional. I talked with him for a while, and then brought him back up to sit with his class. He started to lose control again, so I brought him back down to sit with us until the sacrament was over.
He went back up and sat in the empty seat when the sacrament was over, but he was not happy. His class was first up to say their parts. He got up and said, "We can booooooooooooooo." He didn't really say boo, but he mumbled so much that that's what it sounded like. I was ticked. It's not like he was hurt. He just didn't get his way, so he decided to be a pill. When the kids would stand up to go to the front and sing, he would shuffle so slowly that the kids behind him couldn't get to the front, and they were waiting forever to start singing. He was disruptive and disrespectful. Finally I'd had enough. I took him off the stand and out to the foyer, where he cried and cried and cried. I don't know what his deal was. But I was honestly considering a good spanking when we got home.
Fortunately for him, he cheered up considerably a little while later. So no spanking. But Jeff did make him go apologize to his teachers for his behavior.
I just don't know what to do with him sometimes. He frustrates me so much that I think if I don't get away from him, I'm going to kick him all the way to the car (or the house, or his room). But at the same time, I'm not willing to just give him whatever he wants to avoid his temper tantrums. Because life isn't like that. Sometimes you don't get your way, and you just have to suck it up and move on.
Yes, another day in the life of being Michael's mother. I really wish we didn't bring out the worst in each other.
Jeff's birthday
We really didn't do much for Jeff's birthday this year. We had planned to go to the zoo with his family, but his sister's family had to back out. Michael had received an invitation to a birthday party, and I was invited to my cousin's bridal shower, so we just bagged the zoo and decided to go this coming Wednesday when Jeff is off for Veterans Day.
Michael had a great time at the birthday party. They had rented one of those bounce houses, and he LOVES jumping, so he thought it was the coolest thing ever.
I went to the shower at my Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Vicki's home. I had a really nice time, and I'm glad I went. It was fun to see Bonnie and Jenny (wives of my cousins), and Judie and Linda (aunts), and of course Sheldon, Vicki, Shelley, and Sarah. It was a good experience for me, and in a weird way that I can't explain, it gave me a better appreciation for my extended family.
After the shower and party, Jodi took the kids while Jeff and I went to dinner at Applebee's. Then it was off to Jodi's house to pick up the kids and head home in time for me to go to work at the gym.
I had a good day. I hope Jeff did, too.
Michael had a great time at the birthday party. They had rented one of those bounce houses, and he LOVES jumping, so he thought it was the coolest thing ever.
I went to the shower at my Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Vicki's home. I had a really nice time, and I'm glad I went. It was fun to see Bonnie and Jenny (wives of my cousins), and Judie and Linda (aunts), and of course Sheldon, Vicki, Shelley, and Sarah. It was a good experience for me, and in a weird way that I can't explain, it gave me a better appreciation for my extended family.
After the shower and party, Jodi took the kids while Jeff and I went to dinner at Applebee's. Then it was off to Jodi's house to pick up the kids and head home in time for me to go to work at the gym.
I had a good day. I hope Jeff did, too.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Why Mr. Buyer disappeared
Mr. Buyer found another house to buy. Apparently, he had offers in on more than one house, and rather than do the polite thing and just reject our counter-offer, he decided it would be better to just never get back to us.
From what I understand, he entered into the contract on the other house without the help of his agents - which understandably is upsetting to them. They did a LOT of work for him, especially when you consider that ours was at least the fourth house they had negotiated for.
I really hope he isn't the one buying the house around the corner. We might be saving our rotten tomatoes next year....
That's what Jeff says, anyway.
From what I understand, he entered into the contract on the other house without the help of his agents - which understandably is upsetting to them. They did a LOT of work for him, especially when you consider that ours was at least the fourth house they had negotiated for.
I really hope he isn't the one buying the house around the corner. We might be saving our rotten tomatoes next year....
That's what Jeff says, anyway.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A belated apology
My most astute readers will notice a small change to my Bucket List. I have now officially apologized to Ron Proctor for kicking his shins.
Ron Proctor was a kid in my sixth-grade class. I don't know why, but I used to go up to him and kick his shins for no reason. I was a real brat to him, and I've always felt bad about it. Well, Jeff, reading my blog and seeing the name there, searched for him online. Turns out, he is now a production something-or-other at the Ott Planetarium at WSU, and his e-mail address is listed on the website. So I sent an e-mail to "Ron Proctor the Shinless" (as Jeff calls him) and apologized. No, I did not call him "Ron Proctor the Shinless" in the e-mail. I'm sure he'll think it's totally out of the blue, and probably (hopefully) won't even remember who I am. But at least that's one thing off my bucket list that I've accomplished.
Oh, and I've learned that Tide with Bleach is very effective at keeping the whites white. Still working on some of those other stain issues, though.
Ron Proctor was a kid in my sixth-grade class. I don't know why, but I used to go up to him and kick his shins for no reason. I was a real brat to him, and I've always felt bad about it. Well, Jeff, reading my blog and seeing the name there, searched for him online. Turns out, he is now a production something-or-other at the Ott Planetarium at WSU, and his e-mail address is listed on the website. So I sent an e-mail to "Ron Proctor the Shinless" (as Jeff calls him) and apologized. No, I did not call him "Ron Proctor the Shinless" in the e-mail. I'm sure he'll think it's totally out of the blue, and probably (hopefully) won't even remember who I am. But at least that's one thing off my bucket list that I've accomplished.
Oh, and I've learned that Tide with Bleach is very effective at keeping the whites white. Still working on some of those other stain issues, though.
No news is ..... no news
Hmmph. That's about all I can say about this buyer who put an offer on our home. We made our last counter-offer on Saturday, and he had until yesterday at 5 pm to reject, accept, or counter. Well, 5 pm came and went with no word. About 5:10, our agent called me and said that he had just spoken with the buyer's agents, and they hadn't been able to even reach him to present our counter-offer to him. So the deal expired at 5 pm, and that's that, I guess. They are still going to try to reach him, and see if he wants to accept it, but even if he does, we have no obligation to him.
So I'm thinking that he was in a crunch to close by the end of November because the first-time homebuyer credit expires then. But when he heard the news that the credit will most likely be extended until April, he decided to go off the grid and look for a better deal or something. Whatever. It's irritating, and I think it's rude of him to just not respond at all.
So I'm thinking that he was in a crunch to close by the end of November because the first-time homebuyer credit expires then. But when he heard the news that the credit will most likely be extended until April, he decided to go off the grid and look for a better deal or something. Whatever. It's irritating, and I think it's rude of him to just not respond at all.
Halloween
I don't have any photos to post, but I just wanted to write about our Halloween this year. It was a really nice day. I ended up having to work (which was not the nice part, but I did get to go home early, so it wasn't too bad). Later in the afternoon we got the kids ready to go to Richard and Anna's house so they could see Michael and Faith in their costumes. The plan was to go down there, spend a little time, then come back home and go trick-or-treating around our neighborhood. Then I would go to work at the gym when the kids went to bed.
I think Michael must have been trick-or-treated out, though, because when it was time to leave Richard and Anna's house, he said he would rather stay there and play. We told him that if we stayed there, he wouldn't get to go trick-or-treating. He said that was fine, he wanted to stay. So we did, and I'm so glad. It was just so much better than getting more candy that he (and we) didn't need. The kids had a great time, ate dinner down there (Michael ate Anna's spaghetti), and played with Grandpa. And I didn't even feel bad about spending money on costumes that they didn't need that day, because both of them had already worn their costumes on three other days for different Halloween activities. I'm all for laid-back holidays.
I think Michael must have been trick-or-treated out, though, because when it was time to leave Richard and Anna's house, he said he would rather stay there and play. We told him that if we stayed there, he wouldn't get to go trick-or-treating. He said that was fine, he wanted to stay. So we did, and I'm so glad. It was just so much better than getting more candy that he (and we) didn't need. The kids had a great time, ate dinner down there (Michael ate Anna's spaghetti), and played with Grandpa. And I didn't even feel bad about spending money on costumes that they didn't need that day, because both of them had already worn their costumes on three other days for different Halloween activities. I'm all for laid-back holidays.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
BIIIIIIG news!!
So this won't be big to most of you. But to Jeff and me it is. I'm at work today, and I got an awesome phone call from Michael. He informed me that.....
"I think I like raisins."
WHAT? Raisins? He hasn't eaten a raisin since, well, ever. I'm not sure he's ever eaten a raisin. But he told me that there is now a little tiny piece of raisin in his belly. He licked it and bit off a tiny piece, and he chewed it with his teeth, and he thinks he likes them. And then, as always, he ended his phone call very quickly with "Love you, bye!"
So Jeff got on and told me that Michael had asked to give some raisins to Faith. When he came back from the closet, he was chewing something, and he said, "Daddy, I think I like raisins."
Yes, my boy just ate a tiny bite of raisin. And the best part is that he did it ALL BY HIMSELF. No one even suggested that he try it. It was totally his idea.
Funny how a tiny piece of a shriveled grape can make me so happy today.
"I think I like raisins."
WHAT? Raisins? He hasn't eaten a raisin since, well, ever. I'm not sure he's ever eaten a raisin. But he told me that there is now a little tiny piece of raisin in his belly. He licked it and bit off a tiny piece, and he chewed it with his teeth, and he thinks he likes them. And then, as always, he ended his phone call very quickly with "Love you, bye!"
So Jeff got on and told me that Michael had asked to give some raisins to Faith. When he came back from the closet, he was chewing something, and he said, "Daddy, I think I like raisins."
Yes, my boy just ate a tiny bite of raisin. And the best part is that he did it ALL BY HIMSELF. No one even suggested that he try it. It was totally his idea.
Funny how a tiny piece of a shriveled grape can make me so happy today.
Faith's vocabulary
I just need to make a list somewhere of the words that Faith is saying - just so I can remember.
Daddy
Mama
Michael (she doesn't really pronouce "Michael," but I'm not sure what she says instead. She definitely means Michael, though)
yeah
fwy (fly)
fwower (flower)
buh-fwy (butterfly)
dee (drink)
ah-mah (amen)
kiss
apple
cheese
fishy
up
juice (she accompanies the word "juice" by one clap of her hands - don't know where that came from, but it's cute, and she does it just about every time)
There are probably a couple more, but I can't think of them right now.
She also makes animal sounds: cow, dog, cat, monkey, duck, rabbit (wiggles her mouth and nose), fish (opens and closes her mouth), sheep, and frog.
And she knows just about every part of her body. She loves feet, bellies, noses, and eyes. She hasn't quite got her shoulders, armpits, or ankles down, but just about everything else, she knows.
Anyway, I can't believe how much she's grown!
Daddy
Mama
Michael (she doesn't really pronouce "Michael," but I'm not sure what she says instead. She definitely means Michael, though)
yeah
fwy (fly)
fwower (flower)
buh-fwy (butterfly)
dee (drink)
ah-mah (amen)
kiss
apple
cheese
fishy
up
juice (she accompanies the word "juice" by one clap of her hands - don't know where that came from, but it's cute, and she does it just about every time)
There are probably a couple more, but I can't think of them right now.
She also makes animal sounds: cow, dog, cat, monkey, duck, rabbit (wiggles her mouth and nose), fish (opens and closes her mouth), sheep, and frog.
And she knows just about every part of her body. She loves feet, bellies, noses, and eyes. She hasn't quite got her shoulders, armpits, or ankles down, but just about everything else, she knows.
Anyway, I can't believe how much she's grown!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Grrrrr......
The guy who wants to buy our house put in another counter-offer. And it's going to take us doing one more counter-offer before we feel good about it. He wants us to pay for a home inspection. It's very unusual that the seller would pay for it, but apparently this guy has made offers on two or three homes, paid for the inspections, and then not been able to buy because of problems that came up with the inspection. So he doesn't want to fork out another $250+ from his pocket. I understand that. But his counter-offer says that he'll order the inspection, and we'll pay for it. I really am okay paying for it. After all, if we have a copy of it, and this deal falls through, then at least we'll be able to provide that to any future prospective buyers. But I also don't want him to be able to order an inspection that costs us an arm and a leg. So we have to do a counter-offer just to clarify that we won't pay more than $250 (which is a reasonable price, according to what we can see online). That's really the only thing we even need to do this extra day of paperwork for. What a hassle. Then he has until Monday evening to accept or reject or counter-offer on that. So much for my hopes of knowing before the weekend what will happen.
Grrrr....
Grrrr....
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A looooooooot of photos
I've been meaning to write about our last couple of weekends, but I haven't gotten around to uploading photos from the camera until today, so this will be a long post of mostly photos.
On October 17, we went with Jeff's family to Black Island Farms out in Syracuse. They have a corn maze (which we did one year, but it was really lame, so we don't do it anymore), a wagon ride out to a pumpkin patch where each person gets to choose their own pumpkin, and a really cool area they call a "courtyard." The courtyard has a hay maze, corn cannons, a bounce house, a little tractor-pulled train, and several slides made out of haystacks. This is the best part. It's kind of expensive, but the kids enjoy it enough that I think it's worth a once-a-year treat.
Here's Michael and Faith in the hay maze:
Michael coming down the biggest hay slide:
He probably went down that big slide 25 times.
Here's Faith coming down a smaller slide:
Both of them on a smaller slide:
New this year was an enormous tube slide:
See Jeff and Michael and Amanda looking out the window?
When they got all the way up there, Michael decided it was too big for him to do by himself. So Jeff sent Amanda down alone (she looked completely terrified coming out of it), then he took Michael.
Michael (NOT looking at the camera) and Amanda in their pig train car:
Faith in a tunnel under some hay. She thought this place was so cool:
That was a really fun day. I didn't get any photos of the kids in the pumpkin patch. I'll have to get some from Richard and Anna.
On the 24th of October, we had our first Fall Party up in Huntsville. I think this is going to be an annual thing, since my grandparents go to Arizona each winter, and it will be a nice way to have a family activity before they head out. Most of the kids and some of the adults dressed up. Here's Michael in his dragon costume:
The family. Yes, I was Mrs. Potato Head. My friend Rachel let me borrow the costume, and it was PERFECT for a pregnant belly.
Faith, our little bumble-bee, riding the scooter. Okay, she didn't really ride it. She would just stand on it and get mad when Michael wanted to take a turn actually riding it.
And just a couple random other photos. Michael decided to eat his yogurt with his tongue instead of his spoon, and this was the result:
And *somebody* got to Faith:
We've had a fun couple of weeks. Michael wore his costume to pre-school today because the classes are going trick-or-treating over at the high school. The ward Trunk-or-Treat is tonight. Jeff is taking the kids to the Treehouse tomorrow for their Enchanted Woods event, and then we'll go trick-or-treating on Saturday night around the neighborhood.
In other news, we've had an offer on our house, and we presented a counter-offer today. We should know by tomorrow evening at the latest what will happen with that. Exciting, huh? I really think it will happen. When I was cleaning the house for this buyer to come look at it, I had the feeling that this would be it - that we'd have an offer and things would progress. We'll see how good my intuition is. Jeff says if I'm right he's taking me to Vegas for some gambling.
On October 17, we went with Jeff's family to Black Island Farms out in Syracuse. They have a corn maze (which we did one year, but it was really lame, so we don't do it anymore), a wagon ride out to a pumpkin patch where each person gets to choose their own pumpkin, and a really cool area they call a "courtyard." The courtyard has a hay maze, corn cannons, a bounce house, a little tractor-pulled train, and several slides made out of haystacks. This is the best part. It's kind of expensive, but the kids enjoy it enough that I think it's worth a once-a-year treat.
Here's Michael and Faith in the hay maze:
Michael coming down the biggest hay slide:
He probably went down that big slide 25 times.Here's Faith coming down a smaller slide:
Both of them on a smaller slide:
New this year was an enormous tube slide:
See Jeff and Michael and Amanda looking out the window?
When they got all the way up there, Michael decided it was too big for him to do by himself. So Jeff sent Amanda down alone (she looked completely terrified coming out of it), then he took Michael.
Michael (NOT looking at the camera) and Amanda in their pig train car:
Faith in a tunnel under some hay. She thought this place was so cool:
That was a really fun day. I didn't get any photos of the kids in the pumpkin patch. I'll have to get some from Richard and Anna.On the 24th of October, we had our first Fall Party up in Huntsville. I think this is going to be an annual thing, since my grandparents go to Arizona each winter, and it will be a nice way to have a family activity before they head out. Most of the kids and some of the adults dressed up. Here's Michael in his dragon costume:
The family. Yes, I was Mrs. Potato Head. My friend Rachel let me borrow the costume, and it was PERFECT for a pregnant belly.
Faith, our little bumble-bee, riding the scooter. Okay, she didn't really ride it. She would just stand on it and get mad when Michael wanted to take a turn actually riding it.
And just a couple random other photos. Michael decided to eat his yogurt with his tongue instead of his spoon, and this was the result:
And *somebody* got to Faith:
We've had a fun couple of weeks. Michael wore his costume to pre-school today because the classes are going trick-or-treating over at the high school. The ward Trunk-or-Treat is tonight. Jeff is taking the kids to the Treehouse tomorrow for their Enchanted Woods event, and then we'll go trick-or-treating on Saturday night around the neighborhood.In other news, we've had an offer on our house, and we presented a counter-offer today. We should know by tomorrow evening at the latest what will happen with that. Exciting, huh? I really think it will happen. When I was cleaning the house for this buyer to come look at it, I had the feeling that this would be it - that we'd have an offer and things would progress. We'll see how good my intuition is. Jeff says if I'm right he's taking me to Vegas for some gambling.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Anyone speak Canadian?
A lady from Alberta came in to work tonight. She and her husband spent last night in Pendleton, Oregon, and she told me that when they left Pendleton this morning, they ran into a terrible snowstorm. She kept going on and on about how greasy the roads were. Greasy? I'm assuming she meant slippery. But still, greasy? Never heard that one before.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thankful Thursday
1. A clean kitchen!! We've been doing applesauce and pear sauce for about a week now, and finally, we're done. Phew! I put away the canning stuff today, and it's very nice to see my counter tops again.
2. Full food storage shelves. I mean, full. I'm not sure I could fit one more quart of anything in there. Good thing I didn't do tomatoes or salsa or pickles this year.
3. Michael's helpfulness. He was really good about helping me unload all those food storage shelves and reorganize them so everything would fit. And he loves helping to cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, rake the leaves, anything. Hopefully that helpfulness will last through his teenage years....
4. Jeff's helpfulness. He's worked some long hours lately, and it's been really stressful for him at work. Even so, he comes home and helps me make applesauce or whatever I need him to do. I REALLY appreciate it.
5. No more rashes!! Once Faith's rash finally went away, Michael came out with one. Lovely. But now they are both cleared up, and all is well. We're all healthy, which seems a little unusual with all the sickies around us. It seems like EVERYONE is sick or has someone sick in their family. We've been really lucky so far.
2. Full food storage shelves. I mean, full. I'm not sure I could fit one more quart of anything in there. Good thing I didn't do tomatoes or salsa or pickles this year.
3. Michael's helpfulness. He was really good about helping me unload all those food storage shelves and reorganize them so everything would fit. And he loves helping to cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, rake the leaves, anything. Hopefully that helpfulness will last through his teenage years....
4. Jeff's helpfulness. He's worked some long hours lately, and it's been really stressful for him at work. Even so, he comes home and helps me make applesauce or whatever I need him to do. I REALLY appreciate it.
5. No more rashes!! Once Faith's rash finally went away, Michael came out with one. Lovely. But now they are both cleared up, and all is well. We're all healthy, which seems a little unusual with all the sickies around us. It seems like EVERYONE is sick or has someone sick in their family. We've been really lucky so far.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Three Years
Tori's birthday is today. She would be three years old. A recent lesson in Sunday School reminded me of how much I learned from her. The lessons I learned actually started long before she was born, but I want to record them somewhere, and what better place than a blog? I'm being a little sarcastic, of course. Some of my feelings are very personal, and not everyone will agree with me. But I do want this recorded, and even shared.
September 8, 2003: My cousin Shara gave birth to her first child, McKenna, at 23 weeks. McKenna lived for about half an hour, then died. I heard about it the following day, if I remember correctly. Jeff and I had been married five months, and were not even thinking of kids, but this news devastated me. For the first time in my life, I felt real empathy - meaning, I actually felt part of her pain. Jeff thought I was overreacting and being dumb, but I seriously felt just a bit of what it meant to lose a child.
During that time in my scripture study (remember when that was regular?), I read a lot about charity and the love that Christ has for us. I was deeply impressed that even though Christ did not actually feel every pain for himself (no one will ever convince me that He experienced labor), His love for us is so perfect and complete that He really feels our pain.
People have always said things like, "When you go through difficult times, you can know that the Savior went through even worse times, and He made it, so you'll get through it too." That never made me feel better. Yes, He certainly suffered much more, but saying this, to me, is like saying, "You're tired? You don't know what tired is, let me tell you how tired I am..." It's like completely negating the very real pain that we feel. Knowing how tired you are doesn't make me any less tired. And knowing that the Savior went through so much more, doesn't make my burden less. And besides, He is a God. He was capable of going through much more. What helps is knowing that He feels my pain and that He loves me and that He is willing and able to help me carry that burden and deal with the pain and move forward.
So the experience that Shara had was my first experience with real charity - the love that Christ has for us and the love that He wants us to have for each other. For the first time, my love for someone helped me to feel her pain, and I understood what she felt. I read something at the time that I hung up on my desk at work: "If you love, you will suffer. And if you do not suffer, you never really loved at all." Isn't that true?
Now, I should also mention that feeling her pain impacted me deeply. It was awful. So awful, in fact, that I think I sometimes block people and their pain out now. I don't want to hurt like that. I have, however, had other experiences when I have allowed myself to really feel. The experiences of my friend Julie, who married at 38, only to find out that she couldn't have children, when this was the ONLY thing she had wanted her entire life, affected me deeply. I cried when her second attempt at IVF failed, and rejoiced when they received news that they had been approved to adopt a beautiful girl from China.
September 8, 2004: A happy side note, one year to the day after McKenna's birth, Shara gave birth to a healthy, full-term baby boy, Spencer. It was a very bittersweet experience for their family. She did tell me that it was "more sweet than bitter, though."
Fast forward to September 23, 2006: Michael is 15 months old, and I am 18 weeks pregnant with Tori. I was serving as Second Counselor in our ward's Primary presidency. I woke that Sunday morning to find that I was bleeding. We went to the emergency room, and found that my placenta had torn. We didn't know the extent of the tear, but the doctor told me I needed to be on bed rest for a week to allow it to heal.
About 10 days later, at my follow-up appointment, we found out we were having a girl. I had already felt that very strongly. I was told that one-third of my placenta had detached from the uterus, but that it was healing nicely. If I took it easy, they said, the chances were good that this baby would make it to full term.
The following Sunday, I was set apart as the Primary president. In the blessing that the bishop gave me, he promised me that my pregnancy would be successful. I remember thinking, "If this pregnancy lasts long enough that this baby will be mine forever, it will be successful." I believe the Lord was giving me persepective for what would come.
October 20, 2006: Tori was born at 5:24 am. I was 22 weeks along. She never breathed outside of me, and I'm not sure exactly when she died. The days and weeks that followed were the most difficult of my life so far.
I remember reading the scriptures and other Church books to find answers about what this meant for my eternal family. Would we have her again? I'd heard experiences of other people who had miscarried, and then when they later successfully delivered a child, they felt very strongly that it was the same spirit that had previously attempted to join their family. But I had seen and held and named that little girl. I had felt her movements inside of me, and the idea that her spirit would come again in another body didn't make sense to me. Her body had been perfect - mine is the body that failed. There was nothing wrong with her development.
I found a statement by Brigham Young, quoted in "Mormon Doctrine," where he stated his belief that when the mother feels movement and life in her child, that's when the spirit enters the body. That, along with another quote by someone (Heber J. Grant???) that said it was his opinion that stillborn children will rise in the resurrection and be given to their families to raise, as well as the strong feelings I'd had when the bishop promised me that my pregnancy would be successful, led me to believe that we would have Tori again in the next life. I know it isn't Church doctrine, but there have been no revelations to the Church which would establish any doctrine on the subject. So I am confined to my personal feelings and personal revelation about what will happen.
I have heard people argue (quite vehemently) that unless a baby takes a breath outside of the womb, her spirit hasn't entered her body, and will have to come again. I just can't understand how McKenna, born at 23 weeks and living for half an hour, would be resurrected - but the baby who is full-term and dies just before being born, wouldn't be. It just doesn't make sense to me.
And after having experienced my own loss similar to Shara's, I can honestly say that the pain I felt back in 2003 was indeed the same pain I felt when Tori died. Not to the same extent, but I truly did feel it. I know that Christ's love for us is so perfect and complete that He feels our pains and sorrows just as deeply as we do. It's not that He suffered everything that anyone on earth has ever suffered. It's that He loves us so much, that He suffers with us. That's why we can look to Him for solace. He truly knows how we feel and how to best help us, and if we let Him, He will carry part of the load for us.
September/October 2007: We learned that we would be having another girl, due almost exactly one year after Tori had been due. I was terrified during my entire pregnancy with Faith. I checked for bleeding every time I went to the bathroom. I was so paranoid that every pain from stretching ligaments worried me. When I found out we were having a girl, I was honestly a little disappointed. One, I didn't want this baby to replace Tori in my heart. And two, somehow in my mind, if this baby was a boy, it would justify my belief that it couldn't be the same spirit coming again.
February 10, 2008: Faith was born in a most traumatic and dramatic way, at 11:19 pm. One look at her, and I had no doubt whatsoever that this was not the same spirit. She was absolutely a different child. Part of that was probably just the way she looked. Tori had been a mirror image of Michael, and Faith looked nothing like them. But mostly, there was a different feeling. It was like Tori was there with me, welcoming her little sister to earth.
There have been other times when I have had the impression that Tori is visiting our family. I like to think of her as sort of a guardian angel for Michael and Faith (and Lauren, soon). Jeff and I visit her grave sometimes, and I am so grateful to know that the beautiful little body we buried will one day rise again. She is buried on top of my grandmother, and I sometimes have images in my mind of the resurrection, of my grandmother carrying her to me.
It's funny how you can miss someone that you never even knew.
Happy birthday, Tori!
September 8, 2003: My cousin Shara gave birth to her first child, McKenna, at 23 weeks. McKenna lived for about half an hour, then died. I heard about it the following day, if I remember correctly. Jeff and I had been married five months, and were not even thinking of kids, but this news devastated me. For the first time in my life, I felt real empathy - meaning, I actually felt part of her pain. Jeff thought I was overreacting and being dumb, but I seriously felt just a bit of what it meant to lose a child.
During that time in my scripture study (remember when that was regular?), I read a lot about charity and the love that Christ has for us. I was deeply impressed that even though Christ did not actually feel every pain for himself (no one will ever convince me that He experienced labor), His love for us is so perfect and complete that He really feels our pain.
People have always said things like, "When you go through difficult times, you can know that the Savior went through even worse times, and He made it, so you'll get through it too." That never made me feel better. Yes, He certainly suffered much more, but saying this, to me, is like saying, "You're tired? You don't know what tired is, let me tell you how tired I am..." It's like completely negating the very real pain that we feel. Knowing how tired you are doesn't make me any less tired. And knowing that the Savior went through so much more, doesn't make my burden less. And besides, He is a God. He was capable of going through much more. What helps is knowing that He feels my pain and that He loves me and that He is willing and able to help me carry that burden and deal with the pain and move forward.
So the experience that Shara had was my first experience with real charity - the love that Christ has for us and the love that He wants us to have for each other. For the first time, my love for someone helped me to feel her pain, and I understood what she felt. I read something at the time that I hung up on my desk at work: "If you love, you will suffer. And if you do not suffer, you never really loved at all." Isn't that true?
Now, I should also mention that feeling her pain impacted me deeply. It was awful. So awful, in fact, that I think I sometimes block people and their pain out now. I don't want to hurt like that. I have, however, had other experiences when I have allowed myself to really feel. The experiences of my friend Julie, who married at 38, only to find out that she couldn't have children, when this was the ONLY thing she had wanted her entire life, affected me deeply. I cried when her second attempt at IVF failed, and rejoiced when they received news that they had been approved to adopt a beautiful girl from China.
September 8, 2004: A happy side note, one year to the day after McKenna's birth, Shara gave birth to a healthy, full-term baby boy, Spencer. It was a very bittersweet experience for their family. She did tell me that it was "more sweet than bitter, though."
Fast forward to September 23, 2006: Michael is 15 months old, and I am 18 weeks pregnant with Tori. I was serving as Second Counselor in our ward's Primary presidency. I woke that Sunday morning to find that I was bleeding. We went to the emergency room, and found that my placenta had torn. We didn't know the extent of the tear, but the doctor told me I needed to be on bed rest for a week to allow it to heal.
About 10 days later, at my follow-up appointment, we found out we were having a girl. I had already felt that very strongly. I was told that one-third of my placenta had detached from the uterus, but that it was healing nicely. If I took it easy, they said, the chances were good that this baby would make it to full term.
The following Sunday, I was set apart as the Primary president. In the blessing that the bishop gave me, he promised me that my pregnancy would be successful. I remember thinking, "If this pregnancy lasts long enough that this baby will be mine forever, it will be successful." I believe the Lord was giving me persepective for what would come.
October 20, 2006: Tori was born at 5:24 am. I was 22 weeks along. She never breathed outside of me, and I'm not sure exactly when she died. The days and weeks that followed were the most difficult of my life so far.
I remember reading the scriptures and other Church books to find answers about what this meant for my eternal family. Would we have her again? I'd heard experiences of other people who had miscarried, and then when they later successfully delivered a child, they felt very strongly that it was the same spirit that had previously attempted to join their family. But I had seen and held and named that little girl. I had felt her movements inside of me, and the idea that her spirit would come again in another body didn't make sense to me. Her body had been perfect - mine is the body that failed. There was nothing wrong with her development.
I found a statement by Brigham Young, quoted in "Mormon Doctrine," where he stated his belief that when the mother feels movement and life in her child, that's when the spirit enters the body. That, along with another quote by someone (Heber J. Grant???) that said it was his opinion that stillborn children will rise in the resurrection and be given to their families to raise, as well as the strong feelings I'd had when the bishop promised me that my pregnancy would be successful, led me to believe that we would have Tori again in the next life. I know it isn't Church doctrine, but there have been no revelations to the Church which would establish any doctrine on the subject. So I am confined to my personal feelings and personal revelation about what will happen.
I have heard people argue (quite vehemently) that unless a baby takes a breath outside of the womb, her spirit hasn't entered her body, and will have to come again. I just can't understand how McKenna, born at 23 weeks and living for half an hour, would be resurrected - but the baby who is full-term and dies just before being born, wouldn't be. It just doesn't make sense to me.
And after having experienced my own loss similar to Shara's, I can honestly say that the pain I felt back in 2003 was indeed the same pain I felt when Tori died. Not to the same extent, but I truly did feel it. I know that Christ's love for us is so perfect and complete that He feels our pains and sorrows just as deeply as we do. It's not that He suffered everything that anyone on earth has ever suffered. It's that He loves us so much, that He suffers with us. That's why we can look to Him for solace. He truly knows how we feel and how to best help us, and if we let Him, He will carry part of the load for us.
September/October 2007: We learned that we would be having another girl, due almost exactly one year after Tori had been due. I was terrified during my entire pregnancy with Faith. I checked for bleeding every time I went to the bathroom. I was so paranoid that every pain from stretching ligaments worried me. When I found out we were having a girl, I was honestly a little disappointed. One, I didn't want this baby to replace Tori in my heart. And two, somehow in my mind, if this baby was a boy, it would justify my belief that it couldn't be the same spirit coming again.
February 10, 2008: Faith was born in a most traumatic and dramatic way, at 11:19 pm. One look at her, and I had no doubt whatsoever that this was not the same spirit. She was absolutely a different child. Part of that was probably just the way she looked. Tori had been a mirror image of Michael, and Faith looked nothing like them. But mostly, there was a different feeling. It was like Tori was there with me, welcoming her little sister to earth.
There have been other times when I have had the impression that Tori is visiting our family. I like to think of her as sort of a guardian angel for Michael and Faith (and Lauren, soon). Jeff and I visit her grave sometimes, and I am so grateful to know that the beautiful little body we buried will one day rise again. She is buried on top of my grandmother, and I sometimes have images in my mind of the resurrection, of my grandmother carrying her to me.
It's funny how you can miss someone that you never even knew.
Happy birthday, Tori!
Friday, October 16, 2009
photos of Faith
What's wrong with this picture?
Don't know? Look closer:
Yes, those would be Michael's shoes. Faith has insisted on wearing them constantly for the last couple of days. What's up with that? I can't believe she can even walk in them, but she does fine.
And speaking of wearing Michael's clothes...
I had her in just a diaper for a while today (got sick of changing her clothes after diarrhea blowouts), and she decided Michael's jacket was THE THING to wear.
And here's a photo of the hat I made her a couple days ago. She's actually not a huge fan of hats, but I am, so I make her wear them sometimes. This pattern is one of my favorites.
Don't know? Look closer:
Yes, those would be Michael's shoes. Faith has insisted on wearing them constantly for the last couple of days. What's up with that? I can't believe she can even walk in them, but she does fine.And speaking of wearing Michael's clothes...
I had her in just a diaper for a while today (got sick of changing her clothes after diarrhea blowouts), and she decided Michael's jacket was THE THING to wear.And here's a photo of the hat I made her a couple days ago. She's actually not a huge fan of hats, but I am, so I make her wear them sometimes. This pattern is one of my favorites.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
small updates
-- Faith has some mysterious rash all over her body. She has also had mild diarrhea, but no fever, no vomiting, no runny nose. I took her to the doctor yesterday just to make sure it wasn't anything contagious or worrisome. He couldn't find anything else wrong, and he said it's a viral rash, and we just have to wait it out. She just looks terrible. The spots are even on the bottoms of her feet. It doesn't seem to bother her, though, although she is clingier and whinier than normal.
-- We painted pumpkins for Family Home Evening on Monday. Actually, Jeff and the kids painted pumpkins. I helped Faith. Our pumpkins all are disguised as something else for Halloween.
Faith's is dressed as an apple. Michael's is dressed as a sticker book, and Jeff's is dressed as.... hmm, I don't know. Michael calls it a "really scary face."
-- Jeff and I get to go on a date tonight! Yay!! We don't get out nearly as often as we should.
-- I have two bushels of apples and a bushel of pears that I need to make sauce out of. Anyone have one of those apple corer/peeler things I can borrow?
-- Jeff and Michael love the new Wii. I've only played it once, with Michael, and my athletic skill on the Wii isn't any better than my athletic skill in real life.
-- Ben Franklin here in Roy is going out of business. Everything is now 40% off or more. We went there today and I bought some cake decorating supplies, and some yarn to make a cute hat for Faith (another one - I just don't know when to stop).
-- Faith likes to open the lid to the toilet and back up to it, like she's trying to sit on it. I think I'll get the potty chair out and let her try for real. I'm not ready to potty train her, although it would be nice to not have two kids in diapers when Lauren is born. But there's certainly no harm in letting her get the feel of peeing in a toilet instead of her diaper.
-- One of the girls I hired at work didn't show up for her shift on Saturday. Or Sunday. So I worked. Why do those things always happen over a weekend? I guess I should be glad it was a weekend - Jeff was home and so I didn't have to find a babysitter. I ended up working five days in a row, which I don't think I've done since before Michael was born.
-- I hired a new girl, and I think she'll be great.
-- This Saturday we're going to Black Island Farms out in Syracuse. They do a corn maze every year, and you can take a tractor ride through the pumpkin patch and choose your own pumpkin. The best part, though, is the huge slides they make out of haystacks. Michael loved it last year, and I'm excited to see him play on them this year.
-- Faith is learning to make animal sounds. Jeff took a video of it, but it was sideways. We'll try to get another video made so I can post it here. It's really cute.
-- We painted pumpkins for Family Home Evening on Monday. Actually, Jeff and the kids painted pumpkins. I helped Faith. Our pumpkins all are disguised as something else for Halloween.
Faith's is dressed as an apple. Michael's is dressed as a sticker book, and Jeff's is dressed as.... hmm, I don't know. Michael calls it a "really scary face."-- Jeff and I get to go on a date tonight! Yay!! We don't get out nearly as often as we should.
-- I have two bushels of apples and a bushel of pears that I need to make sauce out of. Anyone have one of those apple corer/peeler things I can borrow?
-- Jeff and Michael love the new Wii. I've only played it once, with Michael, and my athletic skill on the Wii isn't any better than my athletic skill in real life.
-- Ben Franklin here in Roy is going out of business. Everything is now 40% off or more. We went there today and I bought some cake decorating supplies, and some yarn to make a cute hat for Faith (another one - I just don't know when to stop).
-- Faith likes to open the lid to the toilet and back up to it, like she's trying to sit on it. I think I'll get the potty chair out and let her try for real. I'm not ready to potty train her, although it would be nice to not have two kids in diapers when Lauren is born. But there's certainly no harm in letting her get the feel of peeing in a toilet instead of her diaper.
-- One of the girls I hired at work didn't show up for her shift on Saturday. Or Sunday. So I worked. Why do those things always happen over a weekend? I guess I should be glad it was a weekend - Jeff was home and so I didn't have to find a babysitter. I ended up working five days in a row, which I don't think I've done since before Michael was born.
-- I hired a new girl, and I think she'll be great.
-- This Saturday we're going to Black Island Farms out in Syracuse. They do a corn maze every year, and you can take a tractor ride through the pumpkin patch and choose your own pumpkin. The best part, though, is the huge slides they make out of haystacks. Michael loved it last year, and I'm excited to see him play on them this year.
-- Faith is learning to make animal sounds. Jeff took a video of it, but it was sideways. We'll try to get another video made so I can post it here. It's really cute.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The circus performer in my belly
So I just noticed that my baby ticker at the top of the page says, "I bet Mommy feels like I'm trying to claw my way out right now." No joke. Even though babies are (supposedly) completely encased in a uterus, it sure feels like this one is reaching right through it and grabbing onto my intestines, lungs, ribs, and anything else she can grab, and yanking and twisting. It feels like a circus training ground. It's fun to feel her move around, but honestly, I wish she could sleep when I'm trying to sleep. She's an active little thing.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Irritation of the day
I love it when guests know better than I do what I said to them. Case in point:
Guest: You said there was an elevator. We can't find it.
Me: No, there is no elevator.
Guest: Well, you said there was. My wife was just in here and you told her there was an elevator over there somewhere and we can't find it.
Me: I'm sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. We don't have an elevator. There are stairs over there, but no elevator.
Guest: Then why did you tell her there was an elevator?
AUGH!!! For crying out loud. Would I really tell someone we have an elevator when we don't? What better way to tick someone off than tell them we have something that we don't! And how do you know what I told her, buddy, you weren't in here with her!
Guest: You said there was an elevator. We can't find it.
Me: No, there is no elevator.
Guest: Well, you said there was. My wife was just in here and you told her there was an elevator over there somewhere and we can't find it.
Me: I'm sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. We don't have an elevator. There are stairs over there, but no elevator.
Guest: Then why did you tell her there was an elevator?
AUGH!!! For crying out loud. Would I really tell someone we have an elevator when we don't? What better way to tick someone off than tell them we have something that we don't! And how do you know what I told her, buddy, you weren't in here with her!
General Conference with Michael
Today we watched the morning session of Conference. Well, we tried, anyway. Between Michael belting out "Bear Necessities" from Jungle Book, Faith screaming at every little thing that wasn't just the way she wanted it, and Michael asking questions about why horses can't climb trees, we didn't get much out of it.
They both listened very well to the choir, though, and Faith even waved her hand around like she was leading it whenever they sang.
They both listened very well to the choir, though, and Faith even waved her hand around like she was leading it whenever they sang.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Isn't there an easier way?
I lost my cell phone the other day. I walked around the house, calling it from my cordless phone, and couldn't find it. Not in the car, either. I remembered having it at the furniture store, but when I went back there, they didn't have it. So I called Brandon and told him I lost my phone. He said no big deal, it was about time for me to upgrade and get a new one anyway.
Then I found my phone, in my bed, under the covers and pillows. Not exactly sure how it got there, but oh well. So I called Brandon again and told him I found it, but the flip part is starting to break off.
So he ordered me a new phone. Meanwhile, the flip part of my phone got worse and worse. Today, as I was driving to work, the phone rang. When I opened it up to answer it, the flip part on one side broke completely off. Fortunately, my new phone arrived at work today.
But then came the fun part of putting all my contacts into the new phone. Apparently, there is a program that will do that for me through Verizon, but I have to subscribe to some specific service, which I'm pretty sure the hotel does not. Or I could download them to my computer and then upload them onto the new phone, but I don't have the cable to get anything off that phone (which is why I have photos of the kids that will never be seen by anyone else). So yes, I sat for over an hour today at work, manually punching in contact information.
Please, no comments that make me feel stupid about how lame I am for manually entering all of that info. I already feel that way. I just don't know how else to do it.
Then I found my phone, in my bed, under the covers and pillows. Not exactly sure how it got there, but oh well. So I called Brandon again and told him I found it, but the flip part is starting to break off.
So he ordered me a new phone. Meanwhile, the flip part of my phone got worse and worse. Today, as I was driving to work, the phone rang. When I opened it up to answer it, the flip part on one side broke completely off. Fortunately, my new phone arrived at work today.
But then came the fun part of putting all my contacts into the new phone. Apparently, there is a program that will do that for me through Verizon, but I have to subscribe to some specific service, which I'm pretty sure the hotel does not. Or I could download them to my computer and then upload them onto the new phone, but I don't have the cable to get anything off that phone (which is why I have photos of the kids that will never be seen by anyone else). So yes, I sat for over an hour today at work, manually punching in contact information.
Please, no comments that make me feel stupid about how lame I am for manually entering all of that info. I already feel that way. I just don't know how else to do it.
The new dining room table
There are two more chairs, and two leaves that can extend the table. But it's a tight fit in our dining room with all of that!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thankful Thursday
1. Work is starting to calm down. That's nice. The new people are being trained, and are doing well. Hopefully nothing will shake everything up for a while.
2. One more piece of furniture out from my carport. Someone bought the dresser today. Phew!
3. My dad, who will be taking the other dresser out of the carport on Saturday and delivering it to Riley and Nikki.
4. Michael, who is so happy and loving and willing to help. Today we are canning pears and dehydrating plums. Sometime parents are sarcastic when they say their kids are helpful, but Michael really is. He helped me wash everything, and he keeps Faith occupied when I need him to. The work is slower when he helps, sure, but I like having him around.
5. Jeff, who is my best friend. I am so grateful to be married to him.
2. One more piece of furniture out from my carport. Someone bought the dresser today. Phew!
3. My dad, who will be taking the other dresser out of the carport on Saturday and delivering it to Riley and Nikki.
4. Michael, who is so happy and loving and willing to help. Today we are canning pears and dehydrating plums. Sometime parents are sarcastic when they say their kids are helpful, but Michael really is. He helped me wash everything, and he keeps Faith occupied when I need him to. The work is slower when he helps, sure, but I like having him around.
5. Jeff, who is my best friend. I am so grateful to be married to him.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I sure hope not!
Today I finally went and got the maternity massage that Jeff gave me for my birthday. Oh. my. goodness. If I could afford do that every day of my life, I would. It was so relaxing.
Before I went, I brought the kids down to Jeff's mom's house. On the way, I was telling Michael that he and Faith were going to stay there while I went to get a massage, and I explained what a massage is.
When we got to Grandma Sabin's house, I told Michael I was going to leave . Michael told Anna, "Mommy's going to get a mustache."
Yeah, THAT didn't happen. Thankfully.
Before I went, I brought the kids down to Jeff's mom's house. On the way, I was telling Michael that he and Faith were going to stay there while I went to get a massage, and I explained what a massage is.
When we got to Grandma Sabin's house, I told Michael I was going to leave . Michael told Anna, "Mommy's going to get a mustache."
Yeah, THAT didn't happen. Thankfully.
small successes
1. I woke up late on Sunday. As in, 8:00. I normally get up at least by 7:00 so that we have time to get two kids and ourselves fed, dressed, and to church by 9:00. But I didn't set my alarm Saturday night, because Faith has been waking up around 6:00, and I figured I wouldn't need my other alarm clock. But not last Sunday. As I said, I woke up at 8:00, and had a minor panic attack. But miracles never cease - the two kids and myself were fed, dressed, and to church on time. Jeff wasn't feeling well, so he stayed home until Sacrament meeting. But the rest of us made it!
2. Faith did very well in Nursery. The first week she went, she did awesome. Not a tear. But the next couple of weeks were rough. She cried when we left, and when we'd peek in through the window, she was always sitting on one of the leaders' laps with a sad look and big tears in her eyes. But this time, she cried for a minute when I brought her in. I got her involved with a toy, and when she went to get a different toy, I left. And the leaders said she did great the rest of the day. So hopefully that trend will continue.
3. Jeff and I met for lunch at Olive Garden today. The kids were with us, of course, and you'll never guess..... Michael ate spaghetti! At a restaurant! He's been eating "red noodles" at home for a while now, but we've never been able to get him to eat them at a restaurant. But today he decided that the incentive of having my piece of chocolate as well as his was enough to eat 15 bites. And even better, he fed them to himself. Can you believe it? It sounds stupid to most of you, I'm sure. But it is actually the first time ever that he has eaten any restaurant food, ever (well, besides root beer and Sprite and chocolate milk). We were very proud of him, and we made sure to praise him excessively.
4. I sold our old dining room table for $20. Not bad for a free table from Melissa. Our carport is slowly being cleaned out, and our neighbors are surely relieved that we are not, in fact, opening a thrift store in our driveway. One of the dressers has been picked up. The daybed and king-sized headboard I bought have been moved to the storage shed. The old dining chairs were broken apart and put in the trash today. Now we just have Riley and Nikki's dresser (come get it, hint hint), a dresser I'm trying to sell on KSL, and the rocking chair that Jeff is refinishing.
2. Faith did very well in Nursery. The first week she went, she did awesome. Not a tear. But the next couple of weeks were rough. She cried when we left, and when we'd peek in through the window, she was always sitting on one of the leaders' laps with a sad look and big tears in her eyes. But this time, she cried for a minute when I brought her in. I got her involved with a toy, and when she went to get a different toy, I left. And the leaders said she did great the rest of the day. So hopefully that trend will continue.
3. Jeff and I met for lunch at Olive Garden today. The kids were with us, of course, and you'll never guess..... Michael ate spaghetti! At a restaurant! He's been eating "red noodles" at home for a while now, but we've never been able to get him to eat them at a restaurant. But today he decided that the incentive of having my piece of chocolate as well as his was enough to eat 15 bites. And even better, he fed them to himself. Can you believe it? It sounds stupid to most of you, I'm sure. But it is actually the first time ever that he has eaten any restaurant food, ever (well, besides root beer and Sprite and chocolate milk). We were very proud of him, and we made sure to praise him excessively.
4. I sold our old dining room table for $20. Not bad for a free table from Melissa. Our carport is slowly being cleaned out, and our neighbors are surely relieved that we are not, in fact, opening a thrift store in our driveway. One of the dressers has been picked up. The daybed and king-sized headboard I bought have been moved to the storage shed. The old dining chairs were broken apart and put in the trash today. Now we just have Riley and Nikki's dresser (come get it, hint hint), a dresser I'm trying to sell on KSL, and the rocking chair that Jeff is refinishing.
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