Grrrrr......

The guy who wants to buy our house put in another counter-offer. And it's going to take us doing one more counter-offer before we feel good about it. He wants us to pay for a home inspection. It's very unusual that the seller would pay for it, but apparently this guy has made offers on two or three homes, paid for the inspections, and then not been able to buy because of problems that came up with the inspection. So he doesn't want to fork out another $250+ from his pocket. I understand that. But his counter-offer says that he'll order the inspection, and we'll pay for it. I really am okay paying for it. After all, if we have a copy of it, and this deal falls through, then at least we'll be able to provide that to any future prospective buyers. But I also don't want him to be able to order an inspection that costs us an arm and a leg. So we have to do a counter-offer just to clarify that we won't pay more than $250 (which is a reasonable price, according to what we can see online). That's really the only thing we even need to do this extra day of paperwork for. What a hassle. Then he has until Monday evening to accept or reject or counter-offer on that. So much for my hopes of knowing before the weekend what will happen.

Grrrr....

A looooooooot of photos

I've been meaning to write about our last couple of weekends, but I haven't gotten around to uploading photos from the camera until today, so this will be a long post of mostly photos.

On October 17, we went with Jeff's family to Black Island Farms out in Syracuse. They have a corn maze (which we did one year, but it was really lame, so we don't do it anymore), a wagon ride out to a pumpkin patch where each person gets to choose their own pumpkin, and a really cool area they call a "courtyard." The courtyard has a hay maze, corn cannons, a bounce house, a little tractor-pulled train, and several slides made out of haystacks. This is the best part. It's kind of expensive, but the kids enjoy it enough that I think it's worth a once-a-year treat.

Here's Michael and Faith in the hay maze:
Michael coming down the biggest hay slide:
He probably went down that big slide 25 times.

Here's Faith coming down a smaller slide:
Both of them on a smaller slide:
New this year was an enormous tube slide:
See Jeff and Michael and Amanda looking out the window?
When they got all the way up there, Michael decided it was too big for him to do by himself. So Jeff sent Amanda down alone (she looked completely terrified coming out of it), then he took Michael.
Michael (NOT looking at the camera) and Amanda in their pig train car:
Faith in a tunnel under some hay. She thought this place was so cool:
That was a really fun day. I didn't get any photos of the kids in the pumpkin patch. I'll have to get some from Richard and Anna.

On the 24th of October, we had our first Fall Party up in Huntsville. I think this is going to be an annual thing, since my grandparents go to Arizona each winter, and it will be a nice way to have a family activity before they head out. Most of the kids and some of the adults dressed up. Here's Michael in his dragon costume:
The family. Yes, I was Mrs. Potato Head. My friend Rachel let me borrow the costume, and it was PERFECT for a pregnant belly.
Faith, our little bumble-bee, riding the scooter. Okay, she didn't really ride it. She would just stand on it and get mad when Michael wanted to take a turn actually riding it.
And just a couple random other photos. Michael decided to eat his yogurt with his tongue instead of his spoon, and this was the result:
And *somebody* got to Faith:
We've had a fun couple of weeks. Michael wore his costume to pre-school today because the classes are going trick-or-treating over at the high school. The ward Trunk-or-Treat is tonight. Jeff is taking the kids to the Treehouse tomorrow for their Enchanted Woods event, and then we'll go trick-or-treating on Saturday night around the neighborhood.

In other news, we've had an offer on our house, and we presented a counter-offer today. We should know by tomorrow evening at the latest what will happen with that. Exciting, huh? I really think it will happen. When I was cleaning the house for this buyer to come look at it, I had the feeling that this would be it - that we'd have an offer and things would progress. We'll see how good my intuition is. Jeff says if I'm right he's taking me to Vegas for some gambling.

Anyone speak Canadian?

A lady from Alberta came in to work tonight. She and her husband spent last night in Pendleton, Oregon, and she told me that when they left Pendleton this morning, they ran into a terrible snowstorm. She kept going on and on about how greasy the roads were. Greasy? I'm assuming she meant slippery. But still, greasy? Never heard that one before.

Thankful Thursday

1. A clean kitchen!! We've been doing applesauce and pear sauce for about a week now, and finally, we're done. Phew! I put away the canning stuff today, and it's very nice to see my counter tops again.

2. Full food storage shelves. I mean, full. I'm not sure I could fit one more quart of anything in there. Good thing I didn't do tomatoes or salsa or pickles this year.

3. Michael's helpfulness. He was really good about helping me unload all those food storage shelves and reorganize them so everything would fit. And he loves helping to cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, rake the leaves, anything. Hopefully that helpfulness will last through his teenage years....

4. Jeff's helpfulness. He's worked some long hours lately, and it's been really stressful for him at work. Even so, he comes home and helps me make applesauce or whatever I need him to do. I REALLY appreciate it.

5. No more rashes!! Once Faith's rash finally went away, Michael came out with one. Lovely. But now they are both cleared up, and all is well. We're all healthy, which seems a little unusual with all the sickies around us. It seems like EVERYONE is sick or has someone sick in their family. We've been really lucky so far.

Three Years

Tori's birthday is today. She would be three years old. A recent lesson in Sunday School reminded me of how much I learned from her. The lessons I learned actually started long before she was born, but I want to record them somewhere, and what better place than a blog? I'm being a little sarcastic, of course. Some of my feelings are very personal, and not everyone will agree with me. But I do want this recorded, and even shared.

September 8, 2003: My cousin Shara gave birth to her first child, McKenna, at 23 weeks. McKenna lived for about half an hour, then died. I heard about it the following day, if I remember correctly. Jeff and I had been married five months, and were not even thinking of kids, but this news devastated me. For the first time in my life, I felt real empathy - meaning, I actually felt part of her pain. Jeff thought I was overreacting and being dumb, but I seriously felt just a bit of what it meant to lose a child.

During that time in my scripture study (remember when that was regular?), I read a lot about charity and the love that Christ has for us. I was deeply impressed that even though Christ did not actually feel every pain for himself (no one will ever convince me that He experienced labor), His love for us is so perfect and complete that He really feels our pain.

People have always said things like, "When you go through difficult times, you can know that the Savior went through even worse times, and He made it, so you'll get through it too." That never made me feel better. Yes, He certainly suffered much more, but saying this, to me, is like saying, "You're tired? You don't know what tired is, let me tell you how tired I am..." It's like completely negating the very real pain that we feel. Knowing how tired you are doesn't make me any less tired. And knowing that the Savior went through so much more, doesn't make my burden less. And besides, He is a God. He was capable of going through much more. What helps is knowing that He feels my pain and that He loves me and that He is willing and able to help me carry that burden and deal with the pain and move forward.

So the experience that Shara had was my first experience with real charity - the love that Christ has for us and the love that He wants us to have for each other. For the first time, my love for someone helped me to feel her pain, and I understood what she felt. I read something at the time that I hung up on my desk at work: "If you love, you will suffer. And if you do not suffer, you never really loved at all." Isn't that true?

Now, I should also mention that feeling her pain impacted me deeply. It was awful. So awful, in fact, that I think I sometimes block people and their pain out now. I don't want to hurt like that. I have, however, had other experiences when I have allowed myself to really feel. The experiences of my friend Julie, who married at 38, only to find out that she couldn't have children, when this was the ONLY thing she had wanted her entire life, affected me deeply. I cried when her second attempt at IVF failed, and rejoiced when they received news that they had been approved to adopt a beautiful girl from China.

September 8, 2004: A happy side note, one year to the day after McKenna's birth, Shara gave birth to a healthy, full-term baby boy, Spencer. It was a very bittersweet experience for their family. She did tell me that it was "more sweet than bitter, though."

Fast forward to September 23, 2006: Michael is 15 months old, and I am 18 weeks pregnant with Tori. I was serving as Second Counselor in our ward's Primary presidency. I woke that Sunday morning to find that I was bleeding. We went to the emergency room, and found that my placenta had torn. We didn't know the extent of the tear, but the doctor told me I needed to be on bed rest for a week to allow it to heal.

About 10 days later, at my follow-up appointment, we found out we were having a girl. I had already felt that very strongly. I was told that one-third of my placenta had detached from the uterus, but that it was healing nicely. If I took it easy, they said, the chances were good that this baby would make it to full term.

The following Sunday, I was set apart as the Primary president. In the blessing that the bishop gave me, he promised me that my pregnancy would be successful. I remember thinking, "If this pregnancy lasts long enough that this baby will be mine forever, it will be successful." I believe the Lord was giving me persepective for what would come.

October 20, 2006: Tori was born at 5:24 am. I was 22 weeks along. She never breathed outside of me, and I'm not sure exactly when she died. The days and weeks that followed were the most difficult of my life so far.

I remember reading the scriptures and other Church books to find answers about what this meant for my eternal family. Would we have her again? I'd heard experiences of other people who had miscarried, and then when they later successfully delivered a child, they felt very strongly that it was the same spirit that had previously attempted to join their family. But I had seen and held and named that little girl. I had felt her movements inside of me, and the idea that her spirit would come again in another body didn't make sense to me. Her body had been perfect - mine is the body that failed. There was nothing wrong with her development.

I found a statement by Brigham Young, quoted in "Mormon Doctrine," where he stated his belief that when the mother feels movement and life in her child, that's when the spirit enters the body. That, along with another quote by someone (Heber J. Grant???) that said it was his opinion that stillborn children will rise in the resurrection and be given to their families to raise, as well as the strong feelings I'd had when the bishop promised me that my pregnancy would be successful, led me to believe that we would have Tori again in the next life. I know it isn't Church doctrine, but there have been no revelations to the Church which would establish any doctrine on the subject. So I am confined to my personal feelings and personal revelation about what will happen.

I have heard people argue (quite vehemently) that unless a baby takes a breath outside of the womb, her spirit hasn't entered her body, and will have to come again. I just can't understand how McKenna, born at 23 weeks and living for half an hour, would be resurrected - but the baby who is full-term and dies just before being born, wouldn't be. It just doesn't make sense to me.

And after having experienced my own loss similar to Shara's, I can honestly say that the pain I felt back in 2003 was indeed the same pain I felt when Tori died. Not to the same extent, but I truly did feel it. I know that Christ's love for us is so perfect and complete that He feels our pains and sorrows just as deeply as we do. It's not that He suffered everything that anyone on earth has ever suffered. It's that He loves us so much, that He suffers with us. That's why we can look to Him for solace. He truly knows how we feel and how to best help us, and if we let Him, He will carry part of the load for us.

September/October 2007: We learned that we would be having another girl, due almost exactly one year after Tori had been due. I was terrified during my entire pregnancy with Faith. I checked for bleeding every time I went to the bathroom. I was so paranoid that every pain from stretching ligaments worried me. When I found out we were having a girl, I was honestly a little disappointed. One, I didn't want this baby to replace Tori in my heart. And two, somehow in my mind, if this baby was a boy, it would justify my belief that it couldn't be the same spirit coming again.

February 10, 2008: Faith was born in a most traumatic and dramatic way, at 11:19 pm. One look at her, and I had no doubt whatsoever that this was not the same spirit. She was absolutely a different child. Part of that was probably just the way she looked. Tori had been a mirror image of Michael, and Faith looked nothing like them. But mostly, there was a different feeling. It was like Tori was there with me, welcoming her little sister to earth.

There have been other times when I have had the impression that Tori is visiting our family. I like to think of her as sort of a guardian angel for Michael and Faith (and Lauren, soon). Jeff and I visit her grave sometimes, and I am so grateful to know that the beautiful little body we buried will one day rise again. She is buried on top of my grandmother, and I sometimes have images in my mind of the resurrection, of my grandmother carrying her to me.

It's funny how you can miss someone that you never even knew.

Happy birthday, Tori!

photos of Faith

What's wrong with this picture?
Don't know? Look closer:Yes, those would be Michael's shoes. Faith has insisted on wearing them constantly for the last couple of days. What's up with that? I can't believe she can even walk in them, but she does fine.

And speaking of wearing Michael's clothes...
I had her in just a diaper for a while today (got sick of changing her clothes after diarrhea blowouts), and she decided Michael's jacket was THE THING to wear.

And here's a photo of the hat I made her a couple days ago. She's actually not a huge fan of hats, but I am, so I make her wear them sometimes. This pattern is one of my favorites.

small updates

-- Faith has some mysterious rash all over her body. She has also had mild diarrhea, but no fever, no vomiting, no runny nose. I took her to the doctor yesterday just to make sure it wasn't anything contagious or worrisome. He couldn't find anything else wrong, and he said it's a viral rash, and we just have to wait it out. She just looks terrible. The spots are even on the bottoms of her feet. It doesn't seem to bother her, though, although she is clingier and whinier than normal.

-- We painted pumpkins for Family Home Evening on Monday. Actually, Jeff and the kids painted pumpkins. I helped Faith. Our pumpkins all are disguised as something else for Halloween. Faith's is dressed as an apple. Michael's is dressed as a sticker book, and Jeff's is dressed as.... hmm, I don't know. Michael calls it a "really scary face."

-- Jeff and I get to go on a date tonight! Yay!! We don't get out nearly as often as we should.

-- I have two bushels of apples and a bushel of pears that I need to make sauce out of. Anyone have one of those apple corer/peeler things I can borrow?

-- Jeff and Michael love the new Wii. I've only played it once, with Michael, and my athletic skill on the Wii isn't any better than my athletic skill in real life.

-- Ben Franklin here in Roy is going out of business. Everything is now 40% off or more. We went there today and I bought some cake decorating supplies, and some yarn to make a cute hat for Faith (another one - I just don't know when to stop).

-- Faith likes to open the lid to the toilet and back up to it, like she's trying to sit on it. I think I'll get the potty chair out and let her try for real. I'm not ready to potty train her, although it would be nice to not have two kids in diapers when Lauren is born. But there's certainly no harm in letting her get the feel of peeing in a toilet instead of her diaper.

-- One of the girls I hired at work didn't show up for her shift on Saturday. Or Sunday. So I worked. Why do those things always happen over a weekend? I guess I should be glad it was a weekend - Jeff was home and so I didn't have to find a babysitter. I ended up working five days in a row, which I don't think I've done since before Michael was born.

-- I hired a new girl, and I think she'll be great.

-- This Saturday we're going to Black Island Farms out in Syracuse. They do a corn maze every year, and you can take a tractor ride through the pumpkin patch and choose your own pumpkin. The best part, though, is the huge slides they make out of haystacks. Michael loved it last year, and I'm excited to see him play on them this year.

-- Faith is learning to make animal sounds. Jeff took a video of it, but it was sideways. We'll try to get another video made so I can post it here. It's really cute.

The circus performer in my belly

So I just noticed that my baby ticker at the top of the page says, "I bet Mommy feels like I'm trying to claw my way out right now." No joke. Even though babies are (supposedly) completely encased in a uterus, it sure feels like this one is reaching right through it and grabbing onto my intestines, lungs, ribs, and anything else she can grab, and yanking and twisting. It feels like a circus training ground. It's fun to feel her move around, but honestly, I wish she could sleep when I'm trying to sleep. She's an active little thing.

Irritation of the day

I love it when guests know better than I do what I said to them. Case in point:

Guest: You said there was an elevator. We can't find it.

Me: No, there is no elevator.

Guest: Well, you said there was. My wife was just in here and you told her there was an elevator over there somewhere and we can't find it.

Me: I'm sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. We don't have an elevator. There are stairs over there, but no elevator.

Guest: Then why did you tell her there was an elevator?

AUGH!!! For crying out loud. Would I really tell someone we have an elevator when we don't? What better way to tick someone off than tell them we have something that we don't! And how do you know what I told her, buddy, you weren't in here with her!

General Conference with Michael

Today we watched the morning session of Conference. Well, we tried, anyway. Between Michael belting out "Bear Necessities" from Jungle Book, Faith screaming at every little thing that wasn't just the way she wanted it, and Michael asking questions about why horses can't climb trees, we didn't get much out of it.

They both listened very well to the choir, though, and Faith even waved her hand around like she was leading it whenever they sang.

Isn't there an easier way?

I lost my cell phone the other day. I walked around the house, calling it from my cordless phone, and couldn't find it. Not in the car, either. I remembered having it at the furniture store, but when I went back there, they didn't have it. So I called Brandon and told him I lost my phone. He said no big deal, it was about time for me to upgrade and get a new one anyway.

Then I found my phone, in my bed, under the covers and pillows. Not exactly sure how it got there, but oh well. So I called Brandon again and told him I found it, but the flip part is starting to break off.

So he ordered me a new phone. Meanwhile, the flip part of my phone got worse and worse. Today, as I was driving to work, the phone rang. When I opened it up to answer it, the flip part on one side broke completely off. Fortunately, my new phone arrived at work today.

But then came the fun part of putting all my contacts into the new phone. Apparently, there is a program that will do that for me through Verizon, but I have to subscribe to some specific service, which I'm pretty sure the hotel does not. Or I could download them to my computer and then upload them onto the new phone, but I don't have the cable to get anything off that phone (which is why I have photos of the kids that will never be seen by anyone else). So yes, I sat for over an hour today at work, manually punching in contact information.

Please, no comments that make me feel stupid about how lame I am for manually entering all of that info. I already feel that way. I just don't know how else to do it.

The new dining room table

There are two more chairs, and two leaves that can extend the table. But it's a tight fit in our dining room with all of that!

Thankful Thursday

1. Work is starting to calm down. That's nice. The new people are being trained, and are doing well. Hopefully nothing will shake everything up for a while.

2. One more piece of furniture out from my carport. Someone bought the dresser today. Phew!

3. My dad, who will be taking the other dresser out of the carport on Saturday and delivering it to Riley and Nikki.

4. Michael, who is so happy and loving and willing to help. Today we are canning pears and dehydrating plums. Sometime parents are sarcastic when they say their kids are helpful, but Michael really is. He helped me wash everything, and he keeps Faith occupied when I need him to. The work is slower when he helps, sure, but I like having him around.

5. Jeff, who is my best friend. I am so grateful to be married to him.