Okay, experienced moms, and anyone who knows anything about child psychology, here's a challenge for you. How do you get your kids to eat? Specifically, how can I get Michael to eat? I'm not talking about eating normal food, like sandwiches and pancakes and oranges. I'm talking about just eating at all.
Breakfast yesterday took two hours. No kidding. Two hours. And what did he eat in those two hours? About 1/3 cup of yogurt and 1/3 cup of applesauce. That's it. I got sick of waiting around for him to finish, so finally I just took his last food (apricots) and put it in the fridge and told him he'd have to eat that first for lunch.
Every meal is like this. These foods are not hard for him. They are foods that he's been eating well for months (or longer). It's just he's pokey. He dawdles like no kid I've ever seen.
I could just say, look, when I'm done eating, you're done eating. Or, you have half an hour and then you're done. But I don't think that would work with him. Eating is not enjoyable to him. Food is not enjoyable, so if I gave him a time limit, he would just not eat. It would not bother him a bit if he didn't get to eat all of his food. And then he'd lose weight. And since I always feel like he's on the brink of malnourishment, that's just not okay with me. He really does need to eat.
Most people tell me, "He'll eat when he's hungry." Michael has gone through three years of feeding therapy, and one thing I learned during that time, is that no, he won't eat, even when he's starving. The therapists have all said that with 95% of kids, it's true that they'll eat when they're hungry. But there is a small number that will really starve themselves. Michael is the most stubborn of that small number.
Lately I've tried bribery. Not "if you eat, I'll give you a treat." But, "I want to do something fun with you today, and if you take a long time to eat, we won't have time to do anything fun." Sometimes it works a little bit. He eats in one hour instead of two.
It's most frustrating when we need to go somewhere, or when the school bus will be coming soon. And I hate just sitting around waiting for him to finish. By the time he does, it's time to start the next meal. There are days when it feels like he spends all day at the table, and I spend all day getting frustrated.
I think a lot of this is a power struggle. He likes to control things, and this is one area where he very definitely has control. I can't force him to eat (believe me, I've tried).
So if letting him starve himself is off the table, where do I go from here? How do I get him to eat his food without every meal lasting two hours?
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2 comments:
Cami, I think you are an incredible mom. I can't imagine how difficult this is and I have no idea what you could do next. Michael is such a willful child--maybe it really is about control. But those can be wonderful traits in life too. I really loved your story of when he turned "4", he had to eat real food. It sounds like he IS making progress. Could you make it a race to see who could eat their food first? I'll bet you've probably tried that already. I hope things start going better. After you get through this, you should write a book about it.
Hey again! I am so no expert on eating disorders, but I do have a stubborn child (2 of them actually). My son is a daudler. I would have to be out the door to get to work and he would be sitting at the table picking at his food. I'd tell him to hurry, and he'd turn and tell me he didn't want to hurry. Anyway, long story short, we started something called "the bite game" it was incredibly simple (and kind of cheesy), but it worked. Basically, one person would take a bite, and then would get to pick someone else to take a bite. Then once that person took a bite, they would pick a person to take a bite, etc. He though it was hilarious and loved to play and pick who would go next. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find a solution!
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